5 Things to Consider in the Midst of Depression

 Sadness is an expression of grief or unhappiness. It often precedes a brief season of depression.

I am generally an upbeat, positive person. Cheerful, encouraging, and hopeful describe me most days.

So why do I find myself feeling so sad at times?  What causes me to well-up inside and become so despondent?  Why can't I control my emotions better - especially in the presence of other believers?

When you live in an unequally-yoked marriage, you feel like you just don't belong in the local church the same way a Christian married couple does. You are essentially a "lone" Christ follower. Your habits and routines are different. Your giving and commitments are different. Your spiritual cadence is different from the other couples. You feel so out-of-step with everyone else. Here is a post I wrote earlier that deals with some of those differences titled  Are You Missing In Action?

Depression is a valid emotion in the cycle of life. Don't let anyone tell you not to feel sad or depressed. You are a human being, not a robot.  However, you can "visit" depression on occasion - just don't take up permanent "residence" there.

In I Kings 19:1-18 we read about Elijah and his struggles with depression. After God miraculously displayed His divine power on Mount Carmel, Elijah withdrew into the desert armed with a death wish. He hid in a cave and wailed "woe is me" before accusing God of leaving him all alone to fight the heathen foreigners.

King David struggled with depression and feelings of intense sadness more than once. Some of his emotions had to do with blatant sin, while others dealt with fear and rejection. He often questioned God about the whole matter.

Here are some of David's heartfelt pleas:  Lord, how long will You look on? Rescue me from their destruction... (Psalm 35:17)  Lord, all my desire is before You; and my sighing is not hidden from You. (Psalm 38:9)  Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? (Psalm 42:5)  Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You. (Psalm 57:1) Lord, I cry out to You; make haste to me! Give ear to my voice when I cry out to You. (Psalm 141:1)

It's okay to cry out to God and raise the question "Why?"

God already knows our struggles and fears. He sees down the road of uncertainty. He is aware of the pitfalls and traps laid by the enemy. He cannot be taken by surprise. Nothing is too difficult for Him to deal with.  So why do we fret and get ourselves so worked up over things we have little or no control over? What do we do with the intense feelings of sadness and heaviness that blanket our souls? How do we make sense of the heartache and sorrowful countenance?

Here are five possible reasons for your sadness...

1.  We are grieving the fact that our marriage partner isn't in sync with us spiritually. Believers have a spiritual discernment. We are instructed by the Spirit of God. Our unbelieving spouse can't grasp that concept and they are spiritually blind. Amos 3:3 declares, "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?"  And Paul says in 2 Corinthians 6:14, "For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?"

2.  We are saddened by the thought that our best efforts haven't made a substantial difference in their spiritual conversion.  We have to be realistic here in our expectations. God is the one who draws unbelievers into fellowship with Himself. As Paul says in I Corinthians 3:6, "I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase."

3.  We have difficulty processing the fact that our marriage might never improve on the timetable or in the way we think it should. God has a specific plan for our marriage. He is never in a hurry, and He is never late. The important thing to remember is God wants to do what will bring Him the "most glory" with regards to our mate's salvation. God has given them His permissive "free will" to choose salvation or to reject it. Our place is to pray for their spiritual enlightenment. (Romans 10:20)

4.  We can't seem to grasp the thought of differences that may never be reconciled. One of the hardest things to do is to examine our own emotions and then take steps to deal with them honestly. My previous post  Can't We All Just Get Along?  has some great pointers to help you stay on track.

5.  We reluctantly recognize that depression may visit us for a season. We must come to grips with the fact that we will have good and bad days, ups and downs, highs and lows. Every marriage experiences "seasons" - and quite often they coincide with major life events, changes, challenges, and family dynamics that we have no control over. Our spouse will not always give us the support we long for. However, you can count on this: Jesus will never leave us or forsake us. (Joshua 1:5)

So how do we move forward and regain our spiritual footing?

Be practical and proactive. Start by doing the basics: eat right, exercise, and get plenty of sleep. When you feel overwhelmed - take a deep breath and prioritize. Give yourself permission to process sadness and grief. Keep yourself centered on God's Word. Pray for wisdom and understanding. Reprogram your mind to think on "things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, and virtuous" (Philippians 4:8).

Don't worry - and be happy might just be words from a popular song - but they also help to redirect your thoughts. Our Lord Jesus put it this way, "And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest?" (Luke 12:25-26).

God will help you with your feelings of sadness and depression. Prayer and meditating on His Word brings comfort and security. God is our Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6).

Stay well connected with Christian friends. Continue with your small group studies and church activities when you find yourself wanting to withdraw. We were meant to be part of a community of believers. Encourage one another and extend grace even when it is undeserved.

Each day begins with a clean slate. Every dawn holds new opportunities and possibilities. Today is a good day for a good day...

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It was written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

 If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

 

 

5 Things to Consider in the Midst of Depression

If God Sent You a Valentine...

Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages (written Valentines didn't begin to appear until after 1400), and the oldest known Valentine card is on display at the British Museum. The first commercial Valentine's Day greeting cards produced in the U.S. were created in the 1840's by Esther A. Howland. (courtesy Wikipedia)

If God were to send you a Valentine what would it look like?

That is not a difficult question to answer if you are a Christian, for He has already given you one...  God's Word is His Valentine to you and me.  Not just any Valentine - but one that transcends our ability to grasp it's full impact.  God's Love Letter is given to us for all time and for all circumstances.  It is not limited to a special holiday.

God's requirement for us as His beloved is that we make Him our "first love" - wholly committed to Him. Our heart represents our core being.  Loving God with our whole heart means our affections must be focused foremost and fully on Him first. Only then can we love others with the love He loves us...

Love is the highest form of affection.  Agape love is the highest form of love according to God's Word. In your spiritually uneven marriage God wants to love your spouse through you, and that means even when you don't feel like it. 

It is the volition of your will that will direct your emotional response. Decide now that you will show your love by your actions.  Remember your vows:  to love and cherish, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health...  Loving your husband needs to be unconditional and intentional.

When I write these posts I can honestly say I am reinforcing my own need to hear this.  I write and read these blog articles for my own admonishment and encouragement! I too struggle with emotions and the up and down feelings that accompany any marriage - especially when you are spiritually mismatched.  There is often a disconnect - a drifting apart that occurs with regards to spiritual intimacy.

This Valentine's Day do something special for your mate. .Sure - give them candy hearts and a card. Make them their favorite meal and spend quality time together.  Then give them something unexpected..

Give them a look in the eye honest thank-you for all that you have been through together. Men desire - no, men need our respect and love. Tell them that you’d marry them all over again – that they are just what God designed for you! Reinforce that through your marriage, children, family issues, parents' deaths, surgeries, illnesses, moves, remodels, and lots of other LIFE events, that you are totally committed to them!

What has touched my heart more than anything else over the years has been a consistent hand-written note in every Valentine card I receive from my husband, telling me that he loves me, and thanking God for me. This is a gesture of love coming from a man who has yet to make Jesus Christ the Lord of his life. How blessed I am!

In the book of Ephesians Chapter 5 commands us to walk in love towards one another. The Apostle Paul is teaching on submitting to one another in the fear of God. Husbands are admonished to love their wives just as Christ loves the church. Wives are taught to respect their husbands. 

This portion of Scripture is not just for Christian marriages - but for all marriages. Our submission to Christ in our marriage is key to pleasing Him and our spouse.  You can visit a previous post I wrote on the subject of submission HERE .

Give your husband a Valentine straight from God's heart... give him love abounding from a grateful heart established in God's Word - full of peace and grace!

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It was written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

 If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

If God Sent You a Valentine...

Where are you, Lord?

 

A well-known phone carrier was famous for its mantra of "Can you hear me now?"

The mobile phone user wanted to make sure he is heard from any location, at any time, in any situation.  Connection is the key to success.

Suppose you are on a call with your spouse and they begin to fade out.  It’s hard to hear them – you might only catch every other word. Their voice might grow faint and you may hear static in the background. You frantically move from room to room in hopes that the signal with grow stronger.

Sometimes you are in a place with God where your signal is weak and your connection is wavering.  

The fault is not at God’s end, but at yours.  You've moved out of range and now you no longer hear Him clearly. “Where are you, God?” 

Now go back in time with me… Remember playing with two cans and a string when you were little – believing you were in an urgent conversation with your sister or best friend?  Sure, you could hear alright, but every now and then you wondered if what you said actually got to the ear of whoever was on the receiving end.  The science says it works, but you had your doubts.

Dr. David Jeremiah [Turning Point Magazine] puts it this way: 

 

  Whenever we pray, God is on the other end of the line with His ear to the can, hearing every word and listening to every vibration of our voices.  He hears even the faintest sigh.  The prophet Daniel prayed regularly all his life and history was changed.  The apostle Paul prayed, and cities were opened to the Gospel.  Hannah prayed and God lifted her burden.

  If you’re in anguish or distress, you don’t need two cans and a string.  Two bent knees and a broken heart will do just fine.

So, how can you be sure you’re being heard?  What can you do from your end to keep the connection intact?  Here are four simple things:

1.      Keep the line open.  (confession, repentance, devotion)
2.     Minimize distractions  (gadgets, TV, kids and pets)
3.      Focus on God  (Bible, devotions, praise music)
4.      Don’t lose hope while you wait.  (prayer)

I have personally been going through a season of wondering if I am hearing clearly from God or not. You know what I mean…You usually find yourself asking at least one of these questions out of frustration:

            “Lord, why don't you answer me?”

            "Jesus, where are you?"

            “Help me hear Your voice, Lord.”

I know intellectually that God is still where He has always been. The disconnection is at my end - not His!

I’m the one who has moved into the “dead zone” where the signal is faint at best, or non-existent at worst. Then I find myself rehearsing in my mind those things which might have caused the “dropped call”. 

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 139:23-24, “Search me, O God, and know my hear; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.”  Verses 1-4 give me pause to reflect on the fact that though I have interfered with the connection – God in His great mercy recognizes my human limitations and knows me intimately.  He comprehends my thoughts and my actions before I do.  His Spirit invites me to re-connect on a stronger signal.

I am glad God is still interested in having a dialog with me.  I often find myself taking a rogue thought captive and redirecting it to the Lord in the form of a prayer and praise.  I am determined to keep my line of communication open with Him despite my shortcomings and failures.

Do you have a tried and true method of staying connected to the Lord?  What advice can you share with others on how to maintain a strong signal through the constant static of life?

Now, more than ever - you need to hear Him clearly!

I am a sheep of the Lord’s pasture.  I listen for His voice.  I follow Him closely.

Yes Lord - I've got 5 bars now!

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It was written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

Where are you, Lord?

3 Ways to Pray for a Christmas Gift From God

Now God has us where He wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all His idea, and all His work. All we do is trust Him enough to let Him do it. 

It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving, He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join Him in the work He does, the good work He has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.   (Ephesians 2:7-10  The Message)

What kind of gifts do you anticipate receiving this Christmas - Clothes?  Electronics?  Jewelry?  Money?   Have you given a lot of thought to what gifts you will be giving to others?

It dawned on me that I might not be preparing the right gifts for the right people this holiday season. Oh sure - I took great care in selecting something special for my mother, my sister, and my son and his fiance. I even went the extra mile to get my granddaughter something special from her wish list. But what about my husband?  I always struggle to find just the right thing for him...

One of my deepest desires has always been that he would come to know and love Jesus as his personal Savior.  Living in an unequally-yoked marriage has its share of difficulties.  You can read about them here:  A Spiritual Tug-O-War

God's Word declares that "every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning" (James 1:17).

This Christmas can be the perfect time to ask God for BIG things in your marriage! Are you ready for His answer?

Here are 3 Ways to pray for a Christmas GIFT from God:

1.  Remind God of His faithfulness to you and your marriage...

     
God's word does not return void. (Isaiah 55:11)  Prayers on behalf of your spouse will bear fruit. As the persistent widow cried out day and night - so too your pleas will not go unnoticed by God. Perseverance is key to bolstering your day to day faith walk. God rewards faith when it rests in His sovereignty. His timetable is not ours, and His ways are beyond our comprehension.  (Isaiah 55:8-9)

2.  Acknowledge the fact that God's Gift is just that... 

     
No matter how much we want to receive the gift for our spouse - we simply cannot. It is entirely their choice to accept God's free gift of salvation, or to reject it. Remember, we want God to receive the most glory possible for your mate's conversion. God will orchestrate their circumstances in order to achieve His goal. God's Word declares we were chosen in Him before the foundation of the world. (Ephesians 1:4)

3.  Anticipate something extraordinary...

     

Spiritual rebirth is a concept than we cannot possibly grasp in its entirety. Oftentimes it will be when we are about to give up that we see movement in the spiritual realm. As darkness blankets the earth before dawn, so it is with our salvation experience. We are children of the night awaiting His glorious light. Thank God for His indescribable gift. (II Corinthians 9:15)

May this Christmas bring you much joy and peace knowing that your heavenly Father delights in giving His children good gifts...

Looking for more Christmas posts?  Here are two from the past:

A Child is Born - A Son is Given

Christmas: Great Expectations

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

3 Ways to Pray for a Christmas Gift From God

What Does a Spiritual Mom Look Like?

We all have a sphere of influence.  It might be at home, at work, or in our neighborhood. 

As Christian women, we often encounter people and situations that beckon us to interact as Godly examples and mentors.

The Apostle Paul was writing to Titus (his true son in the faith) to remind him to appoint elders (overseers) in every town. The growing church needed leadership and direction. It needed mature believers to mentor and train-up fellow believers in their day to day walk with God.

How does that apply to us - women of faith - Moms, Grandmothers, Aunts, Sisters, and Wives...

Titus 2:3-5 says this: "...They [older women] are to teach what is good, so they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and to love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, homemakers, kind, and submissive to their husbands, so that God's message will not be slandered."



Part of the charge to women in particular is to love their husbands and be submissive to them, so that God's message and His name would not be slandered.  Submission is a word that many women run from - but that is not necessary.  Find out why in a blog post I wrote about submission here:

Oh No... Not the "S" Word

For those of us who have children and grandchildren, being MOM to our adult kids never really ends.Our influence might evolve and morph into more of a "support" role. If you are like most Moms, you still give unsolicited advice and occasionally do one of those irritating Mom things. However, our adult children are no less needy and deserving of our time, energy and wisdom than when they were young. Now, more than ever, we need to mentor them and guide them into greater spiritual truth. They will make their own choices and live with those consequences. We are to pray for them and their walk with God.

If you are a mature Christian - both in years and experience - you have something to offer younger women! 

Not every woman will teach Sunday School or lead a Bible study at church, but you can reach a new generation with the powerful message of the gospel of Jesus Christ. How can you be involved in mentoring a young woman?  What practical steps can you take?

You can devote your time, energy and encouragement to her. You can be available to talk and offer Biblical counsel. You can offer assistance with child care, errands, and life skills. You can meet for Bible study, devotions, and prayer time. The list is endless... be creative!

My former daughter-in-law recently gave her life to Jesus and was baptized with my granddaughter. She is truly a new creation in Christ. This was a young lady that had absolutely no interest in living a Christian lifestyle when she met and married our son (who was not walking with the Lord). Growing up, she had been raised in church and attended a Catholic school - but as many young people do - she wandered away from God's truth.

I now have the honor and privilege of being a mentor and a spiritual Mom to her. It has been exhilarating and exhausting - all at the same time. Our emotions peak and fall like a ride on a roller-coaster at times, but I know deep in my heart God can get us through it together. We are family, and we always will be...

For those of you who are in an unequally-yoked marriage and still have young children living in your home - here is the link to a wonderful resource by Lynn Donovan and Dineen Miller titled:

Not Alone: Trusting God to Help You Raise Godly Kids in a Spiritually Mismatched Home

On a personal side note - since my Dad passed away two years ago, my mother and I make it a point to meet for dinner every Thursday night after she gets her hair done.  She still drives (for now) and relishes her liberty. I'm so thankful we can enjoy each other's company and can be a spiritual support for each other.

Enjoy your Mom if you still have her. Thank God for His Word and Biblical pattern for being a spiritual Mom to someone special in your life.

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

What Does a Spiritual Mom Look Like?

Be Careful Little Mouth What You Say...

Who do you confide in when you are at the end of your rope?  Do you bottle everything up inside, or do you reach for your cell phone?  

Do your close friends know every detail of your fledgling relationship? 


Don't dishonor God by revealing things that would be unflattering or misconstrued by others regarding your marriage. Gossip is destructive and slander is evil - especially when it damages your spouse.

Here's a post I wrote a few years ago about this very thing:

Don't Trash Your Marriage

On occasion I have things run through my mind that are like a "powder keg" waiting to blow. My husband might be doing something seemingly harmless like watching a TV program - but it is affecting my spirit in a negative way. It is often offensive in nature (bleeping every other word) or violent content that grieves me when I hear it or see it.  Sometimes I just have to go into another room and collect my thoughts before I say something I'll regret.

II Corinthians 10:5 says this, "... casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ."

There is no doubt that I generally "bring every thought" kicking and screaming to obey the nature of Christ. Flesh wars against the spirit. The tug-o-war is real. The evil one wants to create an atmosphere of defeat, discouragement and doubt. His desire is for you to exhibit distain and disgust towards your mate.  He wants to unravel any victory or alliance that would bring God glory.

Galatians 5:22-23 is one of the greatest New Testament passages written by Paul that contrasts the works of the flesh with the fruit of the Spirit. In my humble opinion self-control is paramount to overcoming an adverse and abrasive nature.

Our words carry an immeasurable weight with our spouses. We can bless them with uplifting positive speech or we can curse them with careless negative talk. Jesus Christ Himself said, "For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."  You can't disguise how you really feel.

"...For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matthew 12:34)

Ask God to help you with your temper, your criticism, and your negativity. Pray for your fruits of the Spirit to be evident to your mate. Immerse yourself in Scripture and meditate on passages that reinforce edifying speech.  Here is a post I wrote on the Fruit of the Spirit:

Fruitful or Barren?

What do you struggle with most in your unequally-yoked marriage? Do your words get you into trouble? Do you fall into the trap of bad-mouthing your spouse? How do you effectively battle this issue in your home?

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

Be Careful Little Mouth What You Say...

This is the Year of Reconciliation

Here is an age-old question to ponder: "Does man seek God or does God seek man?"

Romans 3:11 says this, "There is none who seeks after God."   Isaiah 65:1 declares, "I was sought by those who did not ask for Me; I was found by those who did not seek Me."

As in Paradise, God walks in the Holy Scriptures, seeking man...  Ambrose

Paul knew firsthand what it was like to be pursued by God. There are no obstacles that can thwart God's advance.  He seeks and saves those who are lost. (Matthew 18:11)

When you are in an unequally-yoked marriage, you often wonder if your spouse will ever accept Jesus Christ as their personal Savior.  Years may go by with little evidence of change...

In my book  MISSION POSSIBLE  Chapter 5 - Timing is Everything!  I have a passage that speaks to this very dilemma:

     In the natural realm, Jesus is with your spouse - He just isn't recognized by him yet. Your spouse died in sin and now Jesus wants to resurrect him.  I Corinthians 2:14 says, "But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned."  Death can be the gateway to life for your husband!                     (Copyright 2010-2016)

There are numerous Bible passages in the New Testament that clearly show God pursues us in love. Your spouse may not respond the way you would like him to, or in your timing, but take heart - God is longsuffering, not willing that anyone should perish (2 Peter 3:9).  James 4:8 says, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you..."  Lastly, Jesus Himself says in Revelation 3:20, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me."

Pray that your spouse will hear the call of God and answer it. Pray that their eyes would be open to the things of God. Pray for reconciliation between them and their Creator.

Finally, Paul makes this abundantly clear in 2 Corinthians 5:18-21, "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

We have a weighty responsibility towards our unsaved spouse. Your "MISSION" is to stand in the gap for your spouse. As this new year unfolds - make a commitment to enhance your personal relationship with Jesus Christ in a new and fresh way.  Here's a blog post I wrote last year that will give you a head start...

3...2...1... Happy New Year!

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

This is the Year of Reconciliation

A Spiritual "Tug-O-War"

Do you feel as though you are in a spiritual tug-o-war? 

When you are living in an unequally-yoked marriage, there will be times when you feel as though you are being pulled in two different directions...

Do you struggle as I do with everyday occurrences that remind you of a scene in "Clash of the Titans"?  This epic story of good versus evil is found in many books, movies and fairy tales. So how does that correlate to a spiritually mismatched marriage?  

The Apostle Paul appeals to believers in II Corinthians 6:14 as follows: "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?"  His main focus was on everyday life choices including friendships, commerce and social activities. Christians are supposed to be separated unto the Lord to maintain a witness to an unsaved world.

However, he also lays out Godly principles in I Corinthians 7:10-16 regarding believers married to non-believers. He sums up with this: "For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?" 

Just remember this... ... He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world (I John 4:4). 

First and foremost we must maintain our connection with Jesus Christ and feed our spiritual man [woman]. The world contends for our attention. This quote from C.H. Spurgeon's "Morning and Evening" says it all:  "It is the incessant turmoil of the world, the constant attraction of earthly things, that takes the soul away from Christ".

Be sure that you make time to charge your spiritual battery. You need to stay in fellowship with Jesus in order to live a Christ-centered life at home. Here is one of my Blog posts from the past that explains what I mean:  Exercise Profits Nothing

Next, don't view your spouse as the enemy. Remember they don't yet know the Lord as you do. They are spiritually "dead" to the things of God. In my book MISSION POSSIBLE - Chapter 2 The "Abigail Syndrome", I explain it this way:

"The world does make man like stone and cold to the things of God. Pray for your husband as in Ezekiel 36:26: "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh."  His spiritual death needs to be recognized by his flesh. When your husband dies to himself, it will be so God can raise him up with "resurrection power" to be the Godly priest of your home [God] intended!"  Copyright © Deborah McCarragher and God Mission Possible, 2010-2015 

Lastly, dwell with your mate in harmony as much as is possible. When my husband wants to watch something on TV that "grates" on my spirit, I just go upstairs to my office and watch something else. Having a heated discussion on what he wants to watch versus what I want to watch only leads to further division. We watch plenty of TV together - so I've learned to choose my battles carefully. 

Do what you can to live in peace. Give and take. Hold your tongue. Defer to your spouse's choices when practical and wait for an appropriate time to discuss your concerns. I wrote a Blog post on this subject here: Can't We All Just Get Along?

If you think you're going to "blow a gasket" - go for a walk. Step into another room and say an SOS prayer. Make provision for quality time for yourself. That way you'll be less likely to react in a dishonorable way.

Don't let the "tug-o-war" become a win or lose scenario. You can win by letting God have His way in your life and peace in your home.

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

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A Spiritual "Tug-O-War"

Can't We All Just Get Along?

“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:18)

Don’t you just hate to be in the middle of a conflict? Or how about living in a home where there is strife and tension? I don’t know about you, but I desperately want to live in a tranquil environment.  I admit it – when all is said and done, I’m a peacemaker!

That being said, I realize I can’t always control my surroundings, but I surely have a pivotal role to play in how I relate to others when peace becomes elusive.  But what happens when peace is lacking in our family, personal and work relationships?  How is it possible to keep the peace then?

When we endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:3), we have done so without offending God and wounding our conscience.  

We have a dire responsibility –a holy charge if you will – to be at peace with all men, but especially in the Lord’s house.  This charge conveys the urgency of nothing being left undone on our part, in order to preserve that peace.   If you want to focus your worship on God, you’ll have to make peace with your fellow man.  

In Matthew 5:23 Jesus says, “Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way.  First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”  He declared that when you are rightly related to God, you will do things differently from the world’s ways.  Jesus had just taught the famous sermon on the mount to the multitudes that surrounded Him on the hillside, including the beatitude; “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.”

Why are the peacemakers blessed?  Because they are submitted to God – under His mighty hand – useful for the Kingdom. They have rightly rejected their right to their own way.  They have peaceably humbled themselves unto God (James 4).

Hebrews 12:14 instructs us to, “Pursue peace with all men, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking diligently lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled…” 

Peace and holiness go hand in hand.  Proverbs 4:23 declares, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.”   Psalm 24 says, only “he who has clean hands and a pure heart” can stand in the presence of God.

Preserving peace often entails a sacrifice on your part.  Sometimes it means “biting your tongue” and swallowing unpleasant words to keep from spewing them out.  We are told to impart grace to the hearers (Ephesians 4:29), and season our speech with salt, knowing how to answer those who are curious about our walk with the Lord, thus encouraging dialog in a peaceful manner.  Remember, we are still a “work in progress” and in the process of sanctification.

In the book of Romans, Paul addresses the believers in Rome concerning their Christian duty to God, to themselves, and to their fellow man.  After teaching on the believer’s position in Christ, he exhorts them to live a transformed life, thus bringing glory to God.  Beginning in Chapter 12, verse 1, Paul pleads with them to lay down their lives on the altar, as it were, for the sake of Christ.  By giving over their own bodies as sacrifices, they would relinquish any right to their own destiny or desires.  Their offering is purely voluntary, and thus, honoring to God.

The great bible commentator, Matthew Henry had this to say about the Romans passage: “Study the things that make for peace... peace without purity is the peace of the devil’s palace.”

Faith and patience will enable you to follow after peace and holiness.  Be sure to never discard a conviction, if God brings to mind something that He wants you to do to foster peace in a situation.  Don’t have an obstinate attitude – realize that you will be held accountable to God for dismissing a perfectly good solution to “making peace” with your brother.

Finally, here are four (4) brief things to keep in mind with regards to living in peace…

Don’t be judgmental

Pick your battles wisely

Look for common ground

Always defer to the Holy Spirit’s leading

Remember, others are depending on you to be a peacemaker… If you are God’s child, you have all you need to be successful within God’s sovereign plan.  Make it a point to do all you can to foster true peace, that your spouse would recognize your efforts and God would receive all the glory!

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”.  It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.  Visit

http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

Can't We All Just Get Along?