5 Things to Consider in the Midst of Depression

 Sadness is an expression of grief or unhappiness. It often precedes a brief season of depression.

I am generally an upbeat, positive person. Cheerful, encouraging, and hopeful describe me most days.

So why do I find myself feeling so sad at times?  What causes me to well-up inside and become so despondent?  Why can't I control my emotions better - especially in the presence of other believers?

When you live in an unequally-yoked marriage, you feel like you just don't belong in the local church the same way a Christian married couple does. You are essentially a "lone" Christ follower. Your habits and routines are different. Your giving and commitments are different. Your spiritual cadence is different from the other couples. You feel so out-of-step with everyone else. Here is a post I wrote earlier that deals with some of those differences titled  Are You Missing In Action?

Depression is a valid emotion in the cycle of life. Don't let anyone tell you not to feel sad or depressed. You are a human being, not a robot.  However, you can "visit" depression on occasion - just don't take up permanent "residence" there.

In I Kings 19:1-18 we read about Elijah and his struggles with depression. After God miraculously displayed His divine power on Mount Carmel, Elijah withdrew into the desert armed with a death wish. He hid in a cave and wailed "woe is me" before accusing God of leaving him all alone to fight the heathen foreigners.

King David struggled with depression and feelings of intense sadness more than once. Some of his emotions had to do with blatant sin, while others dealt with fear and rejection. He often questioned God about the whole matter.

Here are some of David's heartfelt pleas:  Lord, how long will You look on? Rescue me from their destruction... (Psalm 35:17)  Lord, all my desire is before You; and my sighing is not hidden from You. (Psalm 38:9)  Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? (Psalm 42:5)  Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You. (Psalm 57:1) Lord, I cry out to You; make haste to me! Give ear to my voice when I cry out to You. (Psalm 141:1)

It's okay to cry out to God and raise the question "Why?"

God already knows our struggles and fears. He sees down the road of uncertainty. He is aware of the pitfalls and traps laid by the enemy. He cannot be taken by surprise. Nothing is too difficult for Him to deal with.  So why do we fret and get ourselves so worked up over things we have little or no control over? What do we do with the intense feelings of sadness and heaviness that blanket our souls? How do we make sense of the heartache and sorrowful countenance?

Here are five possible reasons for your sadness...

1.  We are grieving the fact that our marriage partner isn't in sync with us spiritually. Believers have a spiritual discernment. We are instructed by the Spirit of God. Our unbelieving spouse can't grasp that concept and they are spiritually blind. Amos 3:3 declares, "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?"  And Paul says in 2 Corinthians 6:14, "For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?"

2.  We are saddened by the thought that our best efforts haven't made a substantial difference in their spiritual conversion.  We have to be realistic here in our expectations. God is the one who draws unbelievers into fellowship with Himself. As Paul says in I Corinthians 3:6, "I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase."

3.  We have difficulty processing the fact that our marriage might never improve on the timetable or in the way we think it should. God has a specific plan for our marriage. He is never in a hurry, and He is never late. The important thing to remember is God wants to do what will bring Him the "most glory" with regards to our mate's salvation. God has given them His permissive "free will" to choose salvation or to reject it. Our place is to pray for their spiritual enlightenment. (Romans 10:20)

4.  We can't seem to grasp the thought of differences that may never be reconciled. One of the hardest things to do is to examine our own emotions and then take steps to deal with them honestly. My previous post  Can't We All Just Get Along?  has some great pointers to help you stay on track.

5.  We reluctantly recognize that depression may visit us for a season. We must come to grips with the fact that we will have good and bad days, ups and downs, highs and lows. Every marriage experiences "seasons" - and quite often they coincide with major life events, changes, challenges, and family dynamics that we have no control over. Our spouse will not always give us the support we long for. However, you can count on this: Jesus will never leave us or forsake us. (Joshua 1:5)

So how do we move forward and regain our spiritual footing?

Be practical and proactive. Start by doing the basics: eat right, exercise, and get plenty of sleep. When you feel overwhelmed - take a deep breath and prioritize. Give yourself permission to process sadness and grief. Keep yourself centered on God's Word. Pray for wisdom and understanding. Reprogram your mind to think on "things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, and virtuous" (Philippians 4:8).

Don't worry - and be happy might just be words from a popular song - but they also help to redirect your thoughts. Our Lord Jesus put it this way, "And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest?" (Luke 12:25-26).

God will help you with your feelings of sadness and depression. Prayer and meditating on His Word brings comfort and security. God is our Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6).

Stay well connected with Christian friends. Continue with your small group studies and church activities when you find yourself wanting to withdraw. We were meant to be part of a community of believers. Encourage one another and extend grace even when it is undeserved.

Each day begins with a clean slate. Every dawn holds new opportunities and possibilities. Today is a good day for a good day...

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It was written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

 If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

 

 

5 Things to Consider in the Midst of Depression

Holiday Expectations - Keeping It Real

 It’s that time of year when expectations run high… but they often don’t quite measure-up to reality. 

This holiday season is different for sure... Travel is being discouraged, gathering to share a meal with multi generations is frowned upon, and many do not have the additional resources to spare for lavish presents and overindulgences. 

We all have unmet expectations when it comes to Christmas.  

Now might be a good time to reevaluate what is really important this Christmas.  Faith, family and charity are my favorite things to focus on during this time of year. Here is my take on each of them:Christmas. 

FAITH -   Jesus is certainly the Reason for the Season. The babe in the manger born in Bethlehem came into this world to fulfill prophesy foretold long ago of a Savior – Christ the Lord.  He is our Prince of Peace during times of turmoil and uncertainty.  Jesus is the “indescribable gift” from the Father above.

(II Corinthians 9:15).

FAMILY -   Now there is a “loaded” subject.  We all have them, but sometimes we don't like them very much.  Often during family gatherings tensions arise between siblings, parents and children, and spouses.  Every family has their danger zone when it comes to relationship pitfalls.  Placing unrealistic expectations on your family can cause depression, anxiety, and anger.  Be sure bathe your holidays in prayer.  Extend grace where needed and use self-control liberally.

CHARITY -  Nothing makes you feel better than meeting a need and helping someone less fortunate than yourself.  Giving emulates the character of Jesus.  This is the season for gift giving and donating your time, energy and finances to worthy causes.  Share with others what the Lord has blessed you with. Remember, it is not the size of your gift – but the heart motive that matters.

Oftentimes family gatherings are a flashpoint for tensions.  

First of all - we likely don't have a perfect family - who does?  It might be stressful to deal with an ex-spouse or ex-in-laws.  Many people deal with new dynamics in a blended family. Things don’t always go as planned, so be sure to stay flexible and non-confrontational if possible.  Extend grace to others.  Don’t assume wrong motives.  Allow extra time for yourself in order to avoid a melt-down in the middle of cooking, cleaning and socializing with your extended family.  Ask others to help with food preparation, gift-wrapping, decorating and cleanup.

Give yourself permission to “let something go” that was on your to-do list without the guilt. Every year isn’t going to be a Norman Rockwell Christmas – and that is OKAY.   Recognize that not everyone is going to want to do what you want to do at Christmastime.  Give and take is essential with a large family as much as it is with a small one.  Feelings will get hurt and toes will get stepped on.  It’s OKAY.  Focus on the major things and don’t fret over the minor things.  Making memories that will last is honorable – but not at the expense of your sanity or your relationships.

Enjoy the journey. Keep your sanity by maintaining some boundaries.  Get plenty of rest, eat right, and exercise to keep yourself healthy and mentally balanced. Slow down...

Remember – JESUS is the Reason for the Season.  Everything else is just filler...

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It was written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.   Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

 If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

Holiday Expectations - Keeping It Real

Greener Grass or Just an Illusion?

You just witnessed a scenario play out in a local restaurant. The couple seated across the room was laughing, conversing and enjoying each other's company.  The husband actually beamed as he listened intently to her words.  They were so engaged with each other that they seemed oblivious to everyone else around them.

Maybe you observed a couple in church as they sat close to each other – reading the Word together and taking in the pastor’s sermon with great interest.  As the husband puts his arm around his wife, you feel a little uncomfortable sitting by yourself.

Perhaps you notice your neighbor’s husband strolling down the sidewalk with her by his side.  They are discussing something interesting because they nod and affirm each other's words repeatedly.

Here you go again – looking across the pasture to the grass on the other side of the fence… It looks so much greener. You just know it will satisfy you and fill that empty void.  Is the grass really greener, or is it just an illusion?

Be careful little eyes what you see --- Don’t believe it!  One of Satan’s clever tactics is to make you think you’re being deprived of something good.   John writes in his first epistle “For all that is in the world – the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life – is not of the Father, but is of the world” (I John 2:16).  Covetousness  is one of the sins of the eyes – and Hollywood gives us much to covet with regards to the “perfect” relationship.  Their standard is unattainable and unrealistic.  We must base our marriages on God’s Word and His beautiful gift of intimacy in marriage.  God is relational and we must work on our relationship with Him in order to mirror it in our marriage.

Your enemy’s greatest weapon is to create doubt – not only doubt that God loves you, but even more sinister – doubt that your own spouse loves you.  When you’re in a spiritually mismatched marriage, simply “replacing” your spouse will not solve all your problems.  You may know a couple that divorced and remarried – believing that the new spouse would bring a greater happiness or contentment.  Oftentimes this is not the case – but to the contrary – it often creates a feeling of hopelessness when the new spouse fails to live up to those impossible expectations.

Paul addresses the married believer in I Corinthians 7:10, 13-14, “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband…And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.”

God ordained marriage between one woman and one man – until death do they part.  Marriage isn’t a convenience until you’re not happy anymore, or until your spouse makes you angry, or until you find someone better.  It is an unwavering commitment – based on honor, integrity and devotion – not on feelings and mood swings.  (Please remember abuse is grounds for leaving your marriage)

Your husband may be one that chatters non-stop or hardly talks at all. Every man is different and in most marriages – communication is the key to survival.  We are still working on our marriage after thirty + years.  I tend to be more outgoing and verbal, and he is more reflective and quiet.  Sure makes for an interesting conversation starter.

What has been your experience in your marriage?  Do you struggle with envy and a runaway imagination at times?  Do you have any tips for others in this situation?

There’s a line in the song Rose Garden by Lynne Anderson that says, “I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden.”  

It's advisable to take off your “rose colored glasses”.   You will see that the grass is green – but not as lush and inviting as you first thought.  Best to stay in your own pasture...

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”.  It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

http://www.Godmissionpossible.com

Greener Grass or Just an Illusion?