How to Turn Your Devastation Into A Healthy Regeneration

When we meet with discouragement, what do we do with it?  

There are situations in your marriage that will require you to make a choice right away. Your spouse might have done something that deeply hurt or offended you, and now you are faced with a dilemma: respond in a Christ centered way, or the world's way, which inevitably leads to remorse. As Oswald Chambers says, "Life serves back in the coin you pay..."

Do not confer with “flesh and blood”, rather go to your Heavenly Father and spill out your heart before Him. A popular Christian author and speaker says this: “Go to the Throne, instead of the phone.”

Living in an unequally-yoked marriage is stressful enough. You don't need to increase your level of anxiety by creating problems where they don't exist. You might be harboring resentment towards God for something you think He should have done in your marriage or family.  Maybe you're upset because you were sure you heard from God, and now you doubt yourself and His plans for your life. 

You are at a crossroads.  Every decision leads you somewhere.  Your devastation can be turned into a healthy regeneration.

A short Bible study will set the scene for us:  

In II Samuel 12, King David was confronted by the prophet Nathan over his sin. This included lusting after and taking another man's wife, purposing to frame him for the pregnancy, and eventually plotting to kill him to cover his own sin.  David was oblivious to the fact that it was him that the prophet was speaking of in the story he was telling the King.  God directed Nathan to tell David, "You are the man!"  After declaring to David that God had indeed blessed him, and would have done even more to exalt him in the eyes of Israel, Nathan proceeded to deliver an admonishment to the King from God, and pronounce a prophesy of doom on him and his household for the evil he had done.  

David was at a standstill and a choice had to be made.  

He admitted the secret sins and wailed, "I have sinned against the LORD."   At that moment, Nathan said to him, "The LORD also has put away your sin; you shall not die.  However, because by this deed you have given great occasion to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme, the child also who is born to you shall surely die."  It was a horrendous penalty to pay for his sins, and it involved an innocent victim.  King David chose rightly because he admitted his sin and accepted the consequences. He knew who God was and His righteous character.

David wrote many of the stirring Psalms that we so dearly embrace and recite in times of despair.  He used the time of restoration after his fall from grace to extol the virtues and mercies of God for all to reflect upon.  He spent countless nights praising his LORD and giving thanks for the mighty hand that guided him into truth and grace, as he sought to live out his days as a "man after God's own heart."   David pleaded with God to punish him, but not the child.  However, God's Word stood and David accepted the consequence.  He showed a level of maturity that we need to embrace.   

When you are distressed and in deep despair, get alone with God and His Word.  Do some true soul-searching.  Bring all of your hurts and disappointments to Him.

God will regenerate your thinking to line up with His thoughts, and align your will with His.  Instead of letting disappointment overtake him, David ultimately accepted the circumstances and praised God for them. 

What took place next is amazing.  Verse 20 tells us that, "David arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped."  

David arose in the newness of God's grace, and came forth from the grave of self-pity and defeat.  He was regenerated by God's promises and truths from His Word.  Isaiah 61:3 declares the LORD will, "console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness..."   Psalm 30:5 states, "For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."  David saw the dawn of a new day in God's sovereignty.

When we have come face to face with a crisis that tears at the very core of your being, that is when we must go to God and lean on His mercies.  

Gain renewed strength from Who He Is.  Rest assured that His grace will be sufficient and His power adequate to sustain you in your weakness (II Corinthians 12: 9-10).

Regenerate your spiritual life by renewing your mind and reinvigorating your faith walk. God will meet you at your weakest point to bring you to His best for your life...

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

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How to Turn Your Devastation Into A Healthy Regeneration

Can't We All Just Get Along?

“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:18)

Don’t you just hate to be in the middle of a conflict? Or how about living in a home where there is strife and tension? I don’t know about you, but I desperately want to live in a tranquil environment.  I admit it – when all is said and done, I’m a peacemaker!

That being said, I realize I can’t always control my surroundings, but I surely have a pivotal role to play in how I relate to others when peace becomes elusive.  But what happens when peace is lacking in our family, personal and work relationships?  How is it possible to keep the peace then?

When we endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:3), we have done so without offending God and wounding our conscience.  

We have a dire responsibility –a holy charge if you will – to be at peace with all men, but especially in the Lord’s house.  This charge conveys the urgency of nothing being left undone on our part, in order to preserve that peace.   If you want to focus your worship on God, you’ll have to make peace with your fellow man.  

In Matthew 5:23 Jesus says, “Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way.  First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”  He declared that when you are rightly related to God, you will do things differently from the world’s ways.  Jesus had just taught the famous sermon on the mount to the multitudes that surrounded Him on the hillside, including the beatitude; “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.”

Why are the peacemakers blessed?  Because they are submitted to God – under His mighty hand – useful for the Kingdom. They have rightly rejected their right to their own way.  They have peaceably humbled themselves unto God (James 4).

Hebrews 12:14 instructs us to, “Pursue peace with all men, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking diligently lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled…” 

Peace and holiness go hand in hand.  Proverbs 4:23 declares, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.”   Psalm 24 says, only “he who has clean hands and a pure heart” can stand in the presence of God.

Preserving peace often entails a sacrifice on your part.  Sometimes it means “biting your tongue” and swallowing unpleasant words to keep from spewing them out.  We are told to impart grace to the hearers (Ephesians 4:29), and season our speech with salt, knowing how to answer those who are curious about our walk with the Lord, thus encouraging dialog in a peaceful manner.  Remember, we are still a “work in progress” and in the process of sanctification.

In the book of Romans, Paul addresses the believers in Rome concerning their Christian duty to God, to themselves, and to their fellow man.  After teaching on the believer’s position in Christ, he exhorts them to live a transformed life, thus bringing glory to God.  Beginning in Chapter 12, verse 1, Paul pleads with them to lay down their lives on the altar, as it were, for the sake of Christ.  By giving over their own bodies as sacrifices, they would relinquish any right to their own destiny or desires.  Their offering is purely voluntary, and thus, honoring to God.

The great bible commentator, Matthew Henry had this to say about the Romans passage: “Study the things that make for peace... peace without purity is the peace of the devil’s palace.”

Faith and patience will enable you to follow after peace and holiness.  Be sure to never discard a conviction, if God brings to mind something that He wants you to do to foster peace in a situation.  Don’t have an obstinate attitude – realize that you will be held accountable to God for dismissing a perfectly good solution to “making peace” with your brother.

Finally, here are four (4) brief things to keep in mind with regards to living in peace…

Don’t be judgmental

Pick your battles wisely

Look for common ground

Always defer to the Holy Spirit’s leading

Remember, others are depending on you to be a peacemaker… If you are God’s child, you have all you need to be successful within God’s sovereign plan.  Make it a point to do all you can to foster true peace, that your spouse would recognize your efforts and God would receive all the glory!

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”.  It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.  Visit

http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Divorce - Has It Affected Your Family?

I have been walking through a desert of swirling sadness and dusty disappointment.  My soul has been parched and lifeless.  A blanket of heaviness hangs over me.  I’ve replayed hundreds of conversations, thoughts and pictures over and over in my mind. 

It’s okay to grieve.  I’ve given myself permission to “feel” the pain and sorrow.  I admit I’ve struggled with depression.  I’ve attended a funeral of sorts – another marriage has gone by the wayside.  Another couple has called it “quits”.  Another marital commitment has been laid aside, and vows once proudly proclaimed have been quietly dismissed.

I don’t mean to be so melodramatic – but I have to verbalize what I’ve been feeling these past few months.  It’s a type of therapy for me.  Everyone deals with pain in a different way.

There are too many of us...  We are the parents of adult children who have decided to divorce.  A new generation has broken all records with their half-hearted visits to marriage counseling and a quick trip to the divorce attorney.

 

Here are some startling statistics from http://divorcerate2011.com/divorce-statistics

• Almost 49 percent of the marriages end up in divorces
• First marriages end up in divorces in an average duration of just less than 8 years
• 60 percent of all divorces are related to individuals aged 25 to 39
• There were more than 21 million divorces in the year 2000. In the same year, 58 million couples were married and still lived separated
• The average male age for a second divorce was 40.4 years and the average female age was 37.3 years in 1990
• The divorce rate of first time marriages is almost 10 percent lesser than the divorce rate for second marriages
• Over a 40 year period, 67 percent of first marriages terminate in a divorce and 50 percent of these divorces take place within the first 7 years
• Every year more than 1 million children are affected by divorce  

Our son and former daughter-in-law are now a statistic. 
They have a daughter who is a toddler, and they are now living in different states.  Theirs is an all too familiar story regarding marital strife and miscommunication.  It always takes two to unravel a marriage.  There is plenty of blame to “go around”. 

I wrote a blog post last year titled:  Grass is greener or just an illusion?

 

It addresses the problems of discontentment and disillusionment in your marriage.  Many young couples simply have unrealistic expectations when they enter holy matrimony.

I am, however, writing this post as an encouragement!  
Someone else out there in the World Wide Web will read this post and cling to hope regarding their family situation.  My message to you is:  Hold onto your hope (Psalm 27:13-14) and watch what God can do in the midst of an impossible dilemma.  God is a God of Restoration, Regeneration, and Renewal.  Anything is possible with God…

I have chosen to not be judgmental and overreacting when it comes to the “how” of their divorce.  I have not taken “sides” and been vindictive.  I love both my son and his wife.  They are the parents of our first grandchild.  They are both emotionally and psychologically damaged by the trauma of their divorce.  No one is a winner… they are both on the losing end of it all.

One thing I am determined to do is be a lighthouse and safe-house for both of them during this transition period.  
They both need to be ministered to.  They both need to understand that God still loves them and has a plan for them individually.  They both must discover who God is and submit to His Lordship.  They both need to mature and set aside their differences and work together for the benefit of their daughter.

God has specifically given me a mandate to minister to my daughter-in-law.  She is a wonderful mother and needs support as she steps into a new and unfamiliar role – namely – that of a single parent.  God has lain on my heart to be kind and helpful and understanding and patient. He would have me “sow seed” into her life, let others water, and watch as God brings the increase (I Corinthians 3:5-9).   

Please pray for me as I reach the edge of the wilderness and behold meadow ahead.  I desperately need rest.  I need spiritual refreshment and strengthening that only the Holy Spirit can give me.  Pray that I will continue to walk in wisdom and discernment, letting God lead my steps and direct my path (Psalm 37:23). 

I know you have a story to share or a burden to bear.  There is life after divorce for our adult children.  Please leave me a comment and encourage someone else today with your words of wisdom or your life experiences.  

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”.  It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.  Visit

http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

Divorce - Has It Affected Your Family?