Be Careful Little Mouth What You Say...

Who do you confide in when you are at the end of your rope?  Do you bottle everything up inside, or do you reach for your cell phone?  

Do your close friends know every detail of your fledgling relationship? 


Don't dishonor God by revealing things that would be unflattering or misconstrued by others regarding your marriage. Gossip is destructive and slander is evil - especially when it damages your spouse.

Here's a post I wrote a few years ago about this very thing:

Don't Trash Your Marriage

On occasion I have things run through my mind that are like a "powder keg" waiting to blow. My husband might be doing something seemingly harmless like watching a TV program - but it is affecting my spirit in a negative way. It is often offensive in nature (bleeping every other word) or violent content that grieves me when I hear it or see it.  Sometimes I just have to go into another room and collect my thoughts before I say something I'll regret.

II Corinthians 10:5 says this, "... casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ."

There is no doubt that I generally "bring every thought" kicking and screaming to obey the nature of Christ. Flesh wars against the spirit. The tug-o-war is real. The evil one wants to create an atmosphere of defeat, discouragement and doubt. His desire is for you to exhibit distain and disgust towards your mate.  He wants to unravel any victory or alliance that would bring God glory.

Galatians 5:22-23 is one of the greatest New Testament passages written by Paul that contrasts the works of the flesh with the fruit of the Spirit. In my humble opinion self-control is paramount to overcoming an adverse and abrasive nature.

Our words carry an immeasurable weight with our spouses. We can bless them with uplifting positive speech or we can curse them with careless negative talk. Jesus Christ Himself said, "For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."  You can't disguise how you really feel.

"...For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matthew 12:34)

Ask God to help you with your temper, your criticism, and your negativity. Pray for your fruits of the Spirit to be evident to your mate. Immerse yourself in Scripture and meditate on passages that reinforce edifying speech.  Here is a post I wrote on the Fruit of the Spirit:

Fruitful or Barren?

What do you struggle with most in your unequally-yoked marriage? Do your words get you into trouble? Do you fall into the trap of bad-mouthing your spouse? How do you effectively battle this issue in your home?

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

Be Careful Little Mouth What You Say...

Five Things We Can Learn From the Resurrection Aftermath

Resurrection Sunday has come and gone. Christians world-wide celebrated the fact that Jesus’ power was on full display as He overcame death.

In the natural realm, what would the empty tomb represent?  "Empty" denotes void, barren, forsaken, depleted, and lacking. 

The disciples had just witnessed a level of devastation and grief they most likely never knew before. They were confused, lost, and scared....

For some, emptiness represents unfulfilled dreams, dashed hopes, and unmet expectations.  

Do you have an empty place in your life that requires a miracle?  Is your marriage on the verge of a collapse?  Is your child wayward and faltering in the world?  Do you struggle with acute physical pain and limitations?  Jesus can minister to you in whatever circumstances you face in life.

Here are five things we can learn from those closest to Jesus after the resurrection...  (John 20, 21; Luke 24; Mark 16)

1.  Our expectations are not always met.

When Mary approached Jesus' tomb she wasn’t expecting it to be empty. She had come with the other women bearing spices in order to anoint Jesus' body. The thought of a bodily resurrection had not crossed her mind - not yet of course.

2.  We generally don’t like surprises. 

We like things to stay relatively calm and predictable. Mary had already had her world turned upside down. Now she was fretting over the fact that her Lord was missing.

      3.  We often don’t recognize what is right in front of us.

Mary mistook Jesus for the gardener. Her grief and pain clouded her perception. It wasn't until Jesus called out her name that she realized it was indeed Him. She didn't expect to receive that level of personal tenderness and compassion in her fragile state.

4.  We have an inherent propensity to doubt.

Thomas was missing in action when Jesus presented Himself to the disciples. We don't know why he wasn't there - but he wasn't buying any part of their story. He put conditions on his belief and lacked faith in their eyewitness account. He was in effect saying, "prove it!".

       5.  We frequently go back to old habits.

Peter had been in that empty tomb. He knew Jesus was raised from the dead. He saw Jesus when they had assembled in prayer and He showed Himself to them. Days later, Peter was feeling somewhat dejected and told the others he was going fishing. They also went with him, and after fishing all night, caught nothing... just as it was when Jesus found him on the shores of Lake Gennesaret.

So what does all of this have to do with us?  Well... everything. 

We often struggle when we forget that Jesus is alive and still in control.  How can we be so ignorant of those facts when His Word is replete with encouragement and hope?

The examples above end in victory for each one of them. They all became overcomers through the power and person of Jesus Christ. He will do the same for you.

Here is another post from the past to encourage you:   Turn Your Devastation Into Regeneration

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

Five Things We Can Learn From the Resurrection Aftermath

The Biggest Loser Isn't Always Better

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)

Forgiveness is a difficult concept to embrace. It calls for the release of resentment. It pardons an offense. It gives up its claim for retaliation. It grants relief from a debt owed.

So why do we struggle so much with forgiveness? One obvious reason is that we don't want to relinquish our control over an emotion that makes us venerable. 

During your marriage you will have decisions to make regarding forgiveness. Some will be easy. Others will not be so easy. They can range from trust issues to belittling comments, from embarrassment to indifference. Reasons for extending forgiveness are as varied and diversified as the human beings they represent. There are times we extend forgiveness at the drop of a hat. Then again, we might choose to hold onto hurt feelings and withhold forgiveness as some manipulative maneuver to gain control. 

Here is a link to a Blog post I wrote concerning criticism  Check Your Eye - I See a Speck

We know the world has it's own definition, but what does God's Word say about forgiveness?

Following the model prayer in Matthew 6, Jesus said this, "For if you forgive men this trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Paul writes the following in Colossians 3:12-14 regarding your new creation in Christ: "Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, if anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection."

Lastly, in Matthew 18:21-35 Jesus teaches Peter and the rest of the disciples about forgiveness in the parable of the unjust servant and his master. Not only did Jesus tell Peter that he should forgive others up to seventy times seven (indefinitely) - but that He would judge each of them who does not forgive from his heart anyone who had trespassed against his brother.

A wise man once said this:  "He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass."

Remember to "take every thought captive, unto the obedience of Christ" (II Corinthians 10:5). Pray and ask God to realign your will with His. Ask Him to do a refining work in you. Forgiveness is a choice that you must exercise - both in the spiritual and natural realms. God will do miracles in your marriage when you learn to forgive as Christ forgave you, and as you model the grace and humility embodied in a Christ follower.

Here is a link to a post I wrote on putting on your armor  Are You Properly Dressed for Battle?

"I can forgive, but I cannot forget," is only another way of saying, "I will not forgive."  ~Anonymous

In Matthew 10:39 Jesus said, "He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it."  Losing your claim to your own sense of justification will bring freedom and release from the prison of unforgiveness. 

Ultimately, you are the loser  if you do not deal with an unforgiving spirit. You must "give up" your right to your own feelings and place them in the loving and capable hands of the Lord. He will prepare your heart for the gift of forgiveness and will enable you to extend it to others...

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

The Biggest Loser Isn't Always Better

You need to check your eye --- I think I see a speck...

"I bet he is enjoying the fact that I made a mistake!" I thought to myself. 

How often do I imagine the wrong response and correlating reason for it?

We all do it - married or not... We play Holy Spirit junior (as it were) in an attempt to filter someone else's actions through our own imperfect lens.

The following passage in Matthew 7:1-5 is a familiar one. Jesus Himself is calling out the hypocrites in the crowd. He is teaching on judging others. It is one of the most misunderstood and misinterpreted scripture references:
     
"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the same measure you use, it will be measured back to you.  And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck out of your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye?  Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother's eye."

There is only one Righteous Judge. When we judge another according to our own standards - we invite the same standard used against us.  Reaping and sowing is an eternal law.  How foolish of us to think that we can withstand judgment according to our own making!  There is a time for judgment with regards to a believer when they are in sin.  The bible devotes passages to church discipline and admonishment. Jesus' own words appear in Matthew 18:15-17.

We think we know why people do or say what  they do or say.  We play amateur clinical psychologist and do a quick analysis of their actions.  We filter their words through our own auditory prism instead of a grace filled ear.  We must be careful when we overextend our comments and thoughts - especially in our marriage.

Oftentimes we are guilty of actually judging their motives - not their actions.  That in and of itself is dangerous, and is outright unspiritual in nature. First, it speaks to a "trust" issue.  Not only do you question their trustworthiness, but you assign a wrong motive to their deed or words. God alone knows the heart motive and sees their intent.  We are better served by extending grace (undeserved favor) to the person and let God bring conviction when it is necessary regarding the circumstances.

In Oswald Chamber's The Utmost for His Highest, he writes the following,

"The average Christian is the most penetratingly critical individual... the Holy Ghost is the only One in  the true position to criticize, He alone is able to show what is wrong without hurting and wounding... There is no getting away from the penetration of Jesus. If I see the mote in your eye, it means I have a beam in my own. Every wrong thing that I see in you, God locates in me. Every time I judge, I condemn myself (see Romans 2:17-20)."

If I examine my spouse's motives, I risk projecting my own thought process onto their actions.  If I tend to be a bit more defensive when confronted - I might unfairly assign defensiveness to his words or body language. If I downplay their enthusiasm for a particular event, plan or purchase - I risk hurting their feelings and injuring the relationship.  I must stop criticizing the "why" before I know the "what".

Make certain that you refrain from lashing out when you are on the receiving end of criticism and anger. There is often another hidden reason for their outburst and sarcasm. We never really know what has transpired during their day or just before the incident that left you feeling wounded. It might be best to separate yourself for a brief period of time before you respond in a manner that is anything but Christ-like.

I often have to send up one of those "SOS" prayers to the Lord, asking for wisdom and for help with keeping my mouth shut when it is needed.  I don't need to irritate and agitate - I need to disarm and chill out! I need the Holy Spirit to take over and bring calm to a situation that is spiraling out of control.

Extending grace is not focusing on the faults of others - but rather covering them in love. 

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

You need to check your eye --- I think I see a speck...

R E S P E C T ... Who Needs It? Part 2

God does not stipulate that my husband must be a believer to be respected.

God expects me to reverence and honor my husband in my actions, words and thoughts, no matter the circumstance.  Ouch!

If you missed the previous post you can read it here:  PART 1

“Familiarity breeds contempt” is something you might say if you know someone very well or you experience something frequently.  That contempt might be shown in your attitude if you stop respecting them.

Our body language is one such thing that can speak volumes to our spouse about our lack of respect.

The Apostle Paul tells us in Ephesians 5:33, “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” 

Genesis 3:1-24 gives us the behind the scenes narrative of Adam and Eve's fall from grace. Back in the garden Eve exerted influence that was misused and it harmed her and Adam’s standing with each other and with God.  Her “desire” was to lead their relationship. She had exhibited a lack of respect by not submitting to his God-given authority in their marriage.  Now God was instructing her that Adam would take on that role and lead in their marriage.

Respect for your husband ignites the fire within his spirit man to enable him to love you in a God-ordained way. 

“Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ.”  Ephesians 5:22 [The MESSAGE]

I Peter 3:1-2 tells us that even when an unbelieving spouse does not obey God’s Word, they may be won over to God “by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chase conduct accompanied by fear” [respect]. 

Can you think of a time when you blatantly disrespected your spouse?  Did God lovingly "correct" you and have you genuinely repent?  How did your spouse respond?

The “love chapter” in I Corinthians 13:1-13 teaches us how God’s love shown through us to others can make an impact in all relationships we are in (e.g. husband and wife, parent and child, siblings).  As we mature in Christ, we must put away the childish things.  Many times those things are the perception that we have the right to be right, thinking we are justified in our words or actions, and feeling like we are the victim in our circumstances.

The Lord gently and methodically showed me my venerability in parenting.  I was showing preference within my family relationships that was unhealthy and potentially damaging to my marriage.  He allowed me to view my behavior as rude and provoking.  I had been “puffed up” in my thinking and was not showing love and understanding for my mate’s position in the matter. 

I had violated much of what Paul spoke of in the very verses I read during devotionals on countless occasions.  I Corinthians 13 can attest to what our love walk should look like.  I was not showing love when I yelled at my husband that evening.

This is the conclusion of the matter:  I was wrong in how I handled the whole dilemma.  

As my husband got more irritated during the day and into the evening, I should have affirmed his feelings and his lingering anger at our son’s irresponsibility.  However, I also should have communicated to him that we have all had days that just didn’t work out the way we thought they would.  Grace should have been extended to all parties, and I needed to keep my emotions in check without making a critical error in judgment.

I have confessed my behavior and manipulations to the Lord, and I have released my resentment towards my husband to Him as well.  I want to please God and show the respect my husband is due – no matter what the outcome is for me.  God has that covered.  I need to trust in His Sovereignty and let Him work out the details.

I was also reminded [by the Lord] that our son observed my outburst, and that can have an effect on his future relationships.  He knows I am a Christian in a spiritually mismatched marriage.  I am to model Christ's behavior and leave the results with Him.  I don’t need to insert my flawed thinking into the mix.  I need to trust and obey.  I need to relinquish my rights to my own feelings of being justified and God will convict my husband of his shortcomings.

There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that is not learning from experience.  ~Anonymous

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

R E S P E C T ... Who Needs It? Part 2

R E S P E C T ... Who needs it? Part 1

Some of you might identify with my sentiments here.  You might even agree with me in principle.  But more importantly – what does God have to say regarding the matter?

Respect  can be defined as:  the act of giving particular attention; to consider worthy of high regard; the quality or state of being esteemed; to refrain from interfering with.

I’m going to share a personal story here that occurred during this past holiday season.  God has spoken to my heart about what took place.  I feel it could be a conversation starter as well as thought provoking for those in a spiritually mismatched marriage.  

This Post is PART  1 of 2  ~

My husband and I were enjoying our adult son’s two week visit along with his 3 yr. old daughter. He had been on deployment for 9 months and was on leave before heading back to his duty station.  Things were going great and we loved watching him interact with his toddler daughter after the long separation.

A couple of days after Christmas he went golfing with a friend and promised to return in time for me to go to work half a day.  I kept our granddaughter in the morning and we agreed he would meet me in town after his golf outing.  But things didn’t quite work out as we planned.

Long story made short – 18 holes ended up taking much longer than he anticipated, and to make things worse – he forgot to leave me the car seat for our granddaughter.  Needless to say, I couldn’t go to work or transport his daughter anywhere.  As the day wore on, my husband’s temper reflected it proportionately.

By the time evening rolled around our son was approaching the last hole on the golf course and still had to drive back to his friend’s house to get his car and the car seat.  By now my husband was fuming and our dinner plans to meet the rest of the family were in jeopardy.  The holiday season was not so merry…

It shouldn’t have happened, but it did.  I was making excuses for our son and trying to be the peacemaker in our home.  Family members were waiting for us to join them in town and the plans had been changed multiple times.  My husband was livid with our son for being irresponsible and for his lack of proper planning.  

When our son finally returned home (over 4 hours late), I was waiting with our granddaughter when my husband informed me he wasn’t going with us.  He got in his car to leave to go get something to eat and at that very moment our son pulled into the driveway - blocking him from leaving.  That did it.

My husband started yelling from inside of his vehicle while I was trying to put our granddaughter into our son’s car.  Our son wasn’t aware that his dad was so angry.  Then I saw the look on his face as he was caught in the crossfire of his dad and me fighting.  Once we were on our way to meet the others, he asked me why dad was in such a foul mood.  I had to gently but firmly explain to him what led up to the night’s messy ending.

In our 30+ years of marriage we hadn’t traded barbs with each other verbally like that in a long, long time.  I shouldn’t have yelled back at him, but I was so angry and he was so out of control over what I thought was an insignificant thing.  I realize now that I made things worse by downplaying the whole event while telling him to, “just go and leave us alone!”

I would like to take this opportunity to say that our son is a great young man and a wonderful father. He is responsible and thoughtful.  He simply made an error in judgment that day that had ugly ramifications.  He was out of his element after being on deployment for 9 months, and he was here visiting us instead of at home in his normal environment and routine. 

Later that evening we were all “walking on egg shells” as we skirted the issue in order to keep the conversation civil.  By the next day – my husband and I briefly discussed what had happened and I felt the Lord convict me of my bad behavior the night before.  My son apologized for any inconvenience he caused us and I apologized for acting in an ungodly fashion to my husband.

Now – let me say that I felt completely justified in what I had said and done during that episode of “behaving badly”.  Isn’t that exactly what we do when we know we are not honoring God (or our spouse) while we are angry.  Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry, and do not sin”; do not let the sun go down on your wrath…” 

The parent / child relationship really doesn’t change that much as the years go by.  I found myself taking sides again with our son instead of my husband, something I had repented for long ago (I thought).  Okay – am I the only one who regrets putting preference for my child over my spouse?  Am I the first wife to show disrespect by marginalizing my husband’s opinion for that of my own?  Wow – why was I so selfish and controlling with my words?

We will continue this discussion in Part 2.  I want to share with you what the Lord spoke to my heart in the weeks following this family occurrence, and how I hope to make adjustments in my thinking and behavior in the future.


Come join me for a look at how God turned something hurtful into something hopeful...  in   PART 2

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com 

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

R E S P E C T ... Who needs it? Part 1

Kill the Root Quickly - Bloom for God

As I headed out the door to church last Sunday, I sent up a quick prayer to the Lord in my thoughts, saying,  
"Jesus, help me to not have a root of bitterness towards my husband. Help me to let go of unmet expectations, disappointments, and awful feelings right now."

I know you might have struggled with the same thing.  We’re not unique.  There are many women living in a spiritually mismatched marriage that go to church - week in and week out alone.  We pull into the parking lot and sometimes just sit in the car – watching the other families heading into the building.  Other times we make our way into the sanctuary – scanning the crowd – looking for a place to settle in…alone.

You see – I have been attending church alone for quite some time now.  My husband has come on occasions like Christmas, Easter, and Mother’s Day.  He has attended some Sunday school socials with me and had brunch or dinner with the other couples in my class – but he isn’t really interested in church fellowship or the things of God.  I keep telling myself that one day it will all change.  He will actually verbalize a desire to go with me…  I won’t even have to ask him to come.

I’m well aware of the fact that we all have different life experiences with regards to church attendance and our childhoods.  My family was in the military.  We moved frequently and we did not attend church regularly.  I wasn’t interested in God until I was in my early 30’s with a small child of my own.  However, my husband grew up going to a religious school as a youngster, and attended church as part of his family’s tradition.  I personally don’t believe he ever really connected his heart with his actions.

When we married, neither of us entered a house of worship with any regularity or passion.  It wasn’t until a neighbor of mine invited me (with my young son) to attend church with her that I finally had my eyes “opened” to the True and Living God.  I was born again and a fire was lit within my heart for Jesus. That was 23 years ago.  Living in an unequally-yoked marriage for that length of time gives you greater perspective on what matters most in God’s eyes.

God’s Word tells us in Hebrews 12:14-15 to “Pursue peace with all men, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord:  looking diligently lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any roof of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled”.   Pursuing peace involves action on our part.  We must submit our emotions and reactions to Him and not manifest outward frustrations to our spouse.  King David’s wife Michal had a root of bitterness fed by jealousy (2 Samuel 20-22).  We must “…cast down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ…”  (II Corinthians 10:5).

After spending time in our flower beds this past week – I observed how some of the weeds had shallow roots and others were deeper.  When I pulled at them – trying to dislodge the weed - many times I simply broke off the plant, leaving roots just below the surface.  I merely removed what I saw – but underneath the soil the plant still existed.  It would burst up through the dirt again in time. I really hadn’t taken care of the problem.

Many times a root of bitterness can develop when we simply try to remove what we perceive is the surface problem.  However, deep below are the true causes of those weeds:  anger, resentment, jealousy, pride, and many more.  Roots need to be eradicated swiftly and completely in order for the weed to disappear for good.  It often requires digging it up with a sharp claw or tool that will loosen the dirt around the roots.  

God’s Word acts as our tool to dislodge the weeds that root in our soul.  He lovingly loosens our emotions and pulls out sin-filled thoughts by His Spirit, as He weeds our garden and prepares us for heavenly fruit bearing.  

When I am conflicted and overwhelmed with unkind thoughts towards my husband, I ask the Father to visit my flower bed and inspect it for weeds.  I don’t want a root of bitterness to ruin my Christian witness or affect my relationship at home. 

I hate pulling weeds and I imagine God probably doesn’t really enjoy doing it either…

 

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”.  It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.  Visit

http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

Kill the Root Quickly - Bloom for God

Anger Management God's Way

Why can't you act civil?  Don't talk to me that way! Didn't you hear what I said?  I'm not yelling... I'm making a point!

How often do conversations and remarks get out of hand at your house?  If you're in a spiritually uneven marriage things can escalate rapidly.  What happens when you just don't see eye to eye?  I don't necessarily expect you to answer me - but I do know one thing...we all lose our tempers and react instead of acting with self-control.

Anger is a menacing thing - it simmers and stews and boils over.  It produces toxic poisons that seep into a relationship unless you take measures to stop it. There are many Scriptures concerning anger. Here's a sampling of them:

It is better to be slow-tempered than famous; it is better to have self-control than to control an army. ~Solomon (Proverbs 16:32)

A man without self-control is as defenseless as a city with broken-down walls.  ~Solomon (Proverbs 25:28)

A rebel shouts in anger; a wise man holds his temper in and cools it.  ~Solomon (Proverbs 29:11)

Self-control means controlling the tongue! A quick retort can ruin everything.   ~Solomon (Proverbs 13:3)

A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes.  ~Solomon (Proverbs 14:29)

A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words cause quarrels.  ~Solomon (Proverbs 15:1)

If you are angry, don't sin by nursing your grudge. Don't let the sun to down with you still angry - get over it quickly;  for when you are angry you give a mighty foothold to the devil.  ~Apostle Paul (Ephesians 4:26-27)

Stop being mean, bad-tempered and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives.  ~Apostle Paul (Ephesians 4:31)

(All Scripture quoted is from The Living Bible - TLB)

Whether you are in a Christian marriage or in an unequally-yoked marriage, if you are a child of the King, you possess a different set of anger management skills than a non-believer.  God has equipped you with Spiritual sensitivity and an important component of your fruit of the Spirit; namely self-control.  

The Apostle Paul lists self-control last in the fruit array - but certainly not least (Galatians 5:22-23).  This particular quality enables the believer to mentally "pause in the heavenlies" before acting out in the flesh.  Christ in us provides us with a check in our Spirit man and the power to overcome our flesh in a time of weakness. Simon Peter writes in his epistle about our growth in the Lord, citing self-control as one of the keys to being fruitful in your walk in and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ (II Peter 1:5-8).

 So - what do you intend to do with your your anger?  How about no retaliation?  How about bury it in the sea of forgetfulness?  How about trading it in for constraint? 


Below is an excerpt from Mission Possible - Chapter 4 ~ Painful Reality

 "Many times, in discouragement I would say, "God, I can't do this anymore; I'm too tired."  Then I would hear God speak to my heart, "Yes, I know you are...just rest in Me and leave this at My altar.  My grace is sufficient for you...My strength is made perfect in your weakness" (II Corinthians 12:9).  He would say "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden [weary], and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). Verse 29 specifically says "rest for your souls." 

When you are weary from the battle and tired of the struggles in your marriage, what Bible verse brings you guidance and comfort?

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”.  It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.  Visit http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

Anger Management God's Way