The Abigail Syndrome

When I became a Christian at the age of 33 yrs. old, I had already been married for seven years to my present husband. Neither of us went to church or were interested in the things of God.

As time went by, I began to grow more and more unsettled. I was a new creature in Christ.  I had new interests and desires.  I was growing in the Lord and was still an immature Christian who had much to learn. I became irritated with my husband when he didn't want to attend church with me. I even began thinking about what it would be like to be married to a Christian. Maybe I needed a new husband.

Living in an unequally-yoked marriage is difficult and lonely. You might not recognize the phrase "unequally-yoked". In marriage it refers to a husband and wife who are both non Christians. I have a  FAQ's  section on my website that addresses the issue.

Thank God He soon convicted me and stopped my flawed thinking before it was too late. He was revealing to me an idea I hadn't thought of. God could do the impossible. He could reach my husband for Christ and change his heart. He alone could draw him into a relationship and regenerate his very soul. I would get a new husband with the same man!

“For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife… For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband?”  (I Corinthians 7: 14, 16)

Here is a little history lesson on Abigail and David:

After King David had commanded several successful military campaigns, he mercifully spared King Saul’s life in a cave in the region of En Gedi. David then journeyed into the wilderness of Paran following Samuel’s death and burial. Samuel had, under God’s direction, chosen and anointed David as the future King of Israel.

By this time David had already taken Saul’s daughter Michal as his wife; a gift from the King to David for a crushing defeat of the Philistines in exchange for his bride’s dowry, as vengeance on the King’s enemies. David and his men were in the wilderness when he heard that a man in Carmel named Nabel, whose sheep were being sheared, might have provisions for him and his young warriors (I Samuel 21-24).

Below is an excerpt from my book MISSION POSSIBLE  
Chapter 4   “The Abigail Syndrome”

Mission Possible is a book for women who are unequally-yoked in marriage. 

Using God's Word, it offers the reader hope and encouragement, 
while applying Biblical truths.

The traditional story of “Abigail” in I Samuel 25 is a familiar one. Abigail was married to Nabal, a man of means who treated her and everyone else like dirt. Though Nabal was descended from Caleb, he shared none of his virtues.  When King David heard that her husband Nabal reviled his men, he was ready to kill him and his household. Abigail went out to meet David with humility and gifts. David highly praised Abigail’s courage and advice. Nabal soon died upon hearing what took place after his drunken binge. Abigail became David’s wife when he proposed after learning of Nabal’s fate. Abigail would now reside with the King in a “fairy tale” ending.

Not so fast… Don’t be “caught up” in the Abigail syndrome. I believe God has a New Testament application for those of us who stand in the gap for our unbelieving husbands. Let’s look at what this passage does not represent: 

   We don’t pray that our husbands will “drop dead” so we can marry a believer as that would not be in God’s perfect will for us. Neither do we hope he’ll die from a heart attack to “pay him back” for his evil ways. God has a better plan. I believe this would be the God honoring scenario for the wife who believes for her husband’s salvation.

   Abigail was a woman of good understanding. (I Samuel 25:3). Godly wisdom and understanding promote knowing God’s will. Isaiah 11:2 is a picture of the Holy Spirit for us today:  “The Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon [us], the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord.” We must be in tune with what God would have us do with regards to our mate. Daily prayer and being in God’sWord helps us to know God’s will.

   Interestingly, when David sent his men to ask favor and provision from Nabal, he was indifferent and inquired: “Who is David, and who is the son of Jesse?…Shall I then take my bread and my water and my meat … and give it to men when I do not know where they are from?” (I Samuel 25:10-11). Likewise, your husband, just as Nabal, doesn’t know the King yet.

   Often times it is difficult to tithe, attend every church service, or be at every Bible study or function because your husband doesn’t see a need for you to participate or share you with God. Be patient. He must see your commitment and desire to be with God’s people and in God’s presence.

   Nabal was a self-made man who was very prideful and greedy. Reading Jesus’ parable of the rich fool in Luke 12:16-20, we see similarities.  Nabal was not thankful for anything, nor recognized God’s hand of provision at all. Your husband may be “rich and full of worldly things.” His equating “good things & provision” to GOD are foreign. Only GOD can change his heart and priorities as you pray for his spiritual enlightenment (Ephesians 1:18). Pray for God to woo him by His Spirit into a curiosity and awareness of the things of God. 

 Unlike King David who planned to wipe out Nabal’s lineage, God has compassion and mercy on our spouses. He is “not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance” (II Peter 3:9). God wills that your spouse join you in “holy union.” The apostle Paul states in I Corinthians 7:14, 16 “for the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife …for how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband?” 

   When Abigail heard what Nabal had done, she quickly prepared an offering for King David. Our offering brought to our King is a humble heart, a willing & submissive spirit, and unwavering obedience. We intercede on our husband’s behalf by meeting the King of Kings.

   King David praised Abigail for her good sense and devotion:  “Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! And blessed is your advice and blessed are you , because you have kept me this day from coming to bloodshed… unless you had hastened and come to meet me, surely by morning light no males would have been left to Nabal” (I Samuel 25:32-34). David would have wiped out Nabal’s name but it was God’s desire to “promote a Godly lineage.” Abigail’s actions and attitude spared Nabal but Nabal didn’t recognize her sacrifice. Our sacrifice on our spouse’s behalf is unwavering faith and persistent prayers offered up to the Throne of Grace. GOD always takes notice of devotion!

 God cherishes the soul we carry to Him in love when it’s “one flesh” we seek.

You can visit my website  HERE  for information on
ordering a copy of  MISSION POSSIBLE.

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It was written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.  Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

The Abigail Syndrome

How to Turn Your Devastation Into A Healthy Regeneration

When we meet with discouragement, what do we do with it?  

There are situations in your marriage that will require you to make a choice right away. Your spouse might have done something that deeply hurt or offended you, and now you are faced with a dilemma: respond in a Christ centered way, or the world's way, which inevitably leads to remorse. As Oswald Chambers says, "Life serves back in the coin you pay..."

Do not confer with “flesh and blood”, rather go to your Heavenly Father and spill out your heart before Him. A popular Christian author and speaker says this: “Go to the Throne, instead of the phone.”

Living in an unequally-yoked marriage is stressful enough. You don't need to increase your level of anxiety by creating problems where they don't exist. You might be harboring resentment towards God for something you think He should have done in your marriage or family.  Maybe you're upset because you were sure you heard from God, and now you doubt yourself and His plans for your life. 

You are at a crossroads.  Every decision leads you somewhere.  Your devastation can be turned into a healthy regeneration.

A short Bible study will set the scene for us:  

In II Samuel 12, King David was confronted by the prophet Nathan over his sin. This included lusting after and taking another man's wife, purposing to frame him for the pregnancy, and eventually plotting to kill him to cover his own sin.  David was oblivious to the fact that it was him that the prophet was speaking of in the story he was telling the King.  God directed Nathan to tell David, "You are the man!"  After declaring to David that God had indeed blessed him, and would have done even more to exalt him in the eyes of Israel, Nathan proceeded to deliver an admonishment to the King from God, and pronounce a prophesy of doom on him and his household for the evil he had done.  

David was at a standstill and a choice had to be made.  

He admitted the secret sins and wailed, "I have sinned against the LORD."   At that moment, Nathan said to him, "The LORD also has put away your sin; you shall not die.  However, because by this deed you have given great occasion to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme, the child also who is born to you shall surely die."  It was a horrendous penalty to pay for his sins, and it involved an innocent victim.  King David chose rightly because he admitted his sin and accepted the consequences. He knew who God was and His righteous character.

David wrote many of the stirring Psalms that we so dearly embrace and recite in times of despair.  He used the time of restoration after his fall from grace to extol the virtues and mercies of God for all to reflect upon.  He spent countless nights praising his LORD and giving thanks for the mighty hand that guided him into truth and grace, as he sought to live out his days as a "man after God's own heart."   David pleaded with God to punish him, but not the child.  However, God's Word stood and David accepted the consequence.  He showed a level of maturity that we need to embrace.   

When you are distressed and in deep despair, get alone with God and His Word.  Do some true soul-searching.  Bring all of your hurts and disappointments to Him.

God will regenerate your thinking to line up with His thoughts, and align your will with His.  Instead of letting disappointment overtake him, David ultimately accepted the circumstances and praised God for them. 

What took place next is amazing.  Verse 20 tells us that, "David arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped."  

David arose in the newness of God's grace, and came forth from the grave of self-pity and defeat.  He was regenerated by God's promises and truths from His Word.  Isaiah 61:3 declares the LORD will, "console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness..."   Psalm 30:5 states, "For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."  David saw the dawn of a new day in God's sovereignty.

When we have come face to face with a crisis that tears at the very core of your being, that is when we must go to God and lean on His mercies.  

Gain renewed strength from Who He Is.  Rest assured that His grace will be sufficient and His power adequate to sustain you in your weakness (II Corinthians 12: 9-10).

Regenerate your spiritual life by renewing your mind and reinvigorating your faith walk. God will meet you at your weakest point to bring you to His best for your life...

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with

others.

How to Turn Your Devastation Into A Healthy Regeneration

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Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

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Faith as a Mustard Seed - Do you have it?

In Luke 7:2-10 we find the story of the Roman centurion.  A parallel passage is found in Matthew 8:5-13 with a slight variation in the details.  Nonetheless, both biblical accounts give us great insight into extraordinary "faith in action."

In biblical times, a centurion was the commander of one-hundred soldiers in the occupying army.  This particular centurion lived in Capernaum, a thriving town on the Sea of Galilee, and he had been instrumental in building a synagogue for the Jews there. Though he was a gentile, he had a great affinity for the people of Capernaum, and was a godly man, well respected by all.

The centurion was endeared to his servant, who was sick with the palsy (paralysis). The local physicians were unable to help him. This particular servant was very valuable, which is perhaps why he was compelled to seek out the infamous “Great Physician” to heal him. He even had the elders of the Jews intercede for his servant – recognizing that he was unworthy to approach Jesus with his request in person.

As Jesus neared the centurion’s household, his friends relayed his message to Him, saying, “Lord, do not trouble Yourself, for I am not worthy that You should enter under my roof. Therefore I did not even think myself worthy to come to You. But say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I also am a man placed under authority, having soldiers under me. And I say to one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and to another, ‘Come,’ and he comes; and to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”

He showed the Lord great respect, recognizing His authority was from God. He assumed a position of humility as he voiced his concerns and request. Haughtiness never earned favor with anyone. He trusted the Lord to perform all that was necessary for his servant’s healing. He recognized that Jesus, in His physical form, wasn’t needed to heal his beloved servant.

Verse 9 is the key verse in this story. Jesus marveled at the centurion’s great faith! He admonished the crowd as He said, “I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel!”  Lastly, we see the centurion’s servant healed, by the Word of the Lord, at the very hour it was proclaimed.

Below is an excerpt from my book  MISSION POSSIBLE 
Chapter 3   “Faith as a Mustard Seed”.   

Mission Possible is a book for women living in an unequally-yoked marriage. 
It offers the reader hope and encouragement using God's Word and applying Biblical truths.

Jesus said, “To what shall we liken the kingdom of God? Or with what parable shall we picture it? It is like a mustard seed which, when it is sown on the ground, is smaller than all the seeds on the earth; but when it is sown, it grows up and becomes greater than all herbs, and shoots out large branches, so that the birds of the air may nest under its shade” (Mark 4:30-32). 

When we have faith so small it seems insignificant, God can grow it into something sturdy and supportive that even others can “nest in”. In Matthew 17:20 Jesus again said, “… for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed , you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.” All things are possible with God!

One of my daily devotionals, “Streams in the Desert” by L.B. Cowman, has an entry by an unknown author named C.H.P. He talks about a passage written by Paul in the book of Galatians: “Before this faith came, we were held prisoners …locked up until faith should be revealed” (Gal. 3:23 NIV). We are set aside for a time to learn a more excellent way of faith. 

Moses, Joseph, Paul, Silas, and even John all learned about being “put aside” for a season to be locked-up to faith. Commit your circumstances to God. praise Him, and claim Romans 8:28 that “He will work all things to good for those who love Him and are the called according to His purpose.” Isaiah 64:4 promises that God “acts on behalf of those who wait for Him.” Others will receive insight and blessings because you were “locked-up” to learn the way of faith.

So - where has your faith been challenged lately?  Did your faith start out "small as a mustard seed?"  Are your faith muscles growing as you continue to walk this path called life?

Hebrews 11 has been called the “Faith Chapter”. Paul writes, “By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible” (Hebrews 11:3). We can frame our husband with the Word of God by speaking into existence his salvation. God’s Word will not return void.  Isaiah 46:11states, “Indeed I have spoken it; I will also bring it to pass. I have purposed it; I will also do it.”  II Corinthians 1:20 states “For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.” 

Amen means so be it! God's promises are trustworthy!

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”.  It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.  
Visit http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

Faith as a Mustard Seed - Do you have it?

Can't We All Just Get Along?

“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:18)

Don’t you just hate to be in the middle of a conflict? Or how about living in a home where there is strife and tension? I don’t know about you, but I desperately want to live in a tranquil environment.  I admit it – when all is said and done, I’m a peacemaker!

That being said, I realize I can’t always control my surroundings, but I surely have a pivotal role to play in how I relate to others when peace becomes elusive.  But what happens when peace is lacking in our family, personal and work relationships?  How is it possible to keep the peace then?

When we endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:3), we have done so without offending God and wounding our conscience.  

We have a dire responsibility –a holy charge if you will – to be at peace with all men, but especially in the Lord’s house.  This charge conveys the urgency of nothing being left undone on our part, in order to preserve that peace.   If you want to focus your worship on God, you’ll have to make peace with your fellow man.  

In Matthew 5:23 Jesus says, “Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way.  First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”  He declared that when you are rightly related to God, you will do things differently from the world’s ways.  Jesus had just taught the famous sermon on the mount to the multitudes that surrounded Him on the hillside, including the beatitude; “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.”

Why are the peacemakers blessed?  Because they are submitted to God – under His mighty hand – useful for the Kingdom. They have rightly rejected their right to their own way.  They have peaceably humbled themselves unto God (James 4).

Hebrews 12:14 instructs us to, “Pursue peace with all men, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking diligently lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled…” 

Peace and holiness go hand in hand.  Proverbs 4:23 declares, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.”   Psalm 24 says, only “he who has clean hands and a pure heart” can stand in the presence of God.

Preserving peace often entails a sacrifice on your part.  Sometimes it means “biting your tongue” and swallowing unpleasant words to keep from spewing them out.  We are told to impart grace to the hearers (Ephesians 4:29), and season our speech with salt, knowing how to answer those who are curious about our walk with the Lord, thus encouraging dialog in a peaceful manner.  Remember, we are still a “work in progress” and in the process of sanctification.

In the book of Romans, Paul addresses the believers in Rome concerning their Christian duty to God, to themselves, and to their fellow man.  After teaching on the believer’s position in Christ, he exhorts them to live a transformed life, thus bringing glory to God.  Beginning in Chapter 12, verse 1, Paul pleads with them to lay down their lives on the altar, as it were, for the sake of Christ.  By giving over their own bodies as sacrifices, they would relinquish any right to their own destiny or desires.  Their offering is purely voluntary, and thus, honoring to God.

The great bible commentator, Matthew Henry had this to say about the Romans passage: “Study the things that make for peace... peace without purity is the peace of the devil’s palace.”

Faith and patience will enable you to follow after peace and holiness.  Be sure to never discard a conviction, if God brings to mind something that He wants you to do to foster peace in a situation.  Don’t have an obstinate attitude – realize that you will be held accountable to God for dismissing a perfectly good solution to “making peace” with your brother.

Finally, here are four (4) brief things to keep in mind with regards to living in peace…

Don’t be judgmental

Pick your battles wisely

Look for common ground

Always defer to the Holy Spirit’s leading

Remember, others are depending on you to be a peacemaker… If you are God’s child, you have all you need to be successful within God’s sovereign plan.  Make it a point to do all you can to foster true peace, that your spouse would recognize your efforts and God would receive all the glory!

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”.  It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.  Visit

http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Don't Trash Your Marriage...

Okay… so you’ve run into another roadblock in your relationship.  

You and your husband have been treating each other to a less than “civil” dialog lately and you’re looking for a place to broadcast it.  Not a good idea…

One of the best quotes I’ve ever heard regarding a hurting heart is from Joyce Meyer .  Her advice is to, “Run to the Throne instead of the phone.”  It’s a simple concept:  when you’ve been emotionally hurt and you want some sympathy from your best friend or neighbor, run to God instead.  He will listen without prejudice and love you without condemnation.  Most importantly, He will not just tell you what you want to hear. He will speak directly to your heart.

Why – do you say – would I not want to go visit my friend and pour my heart out to her?  Simple enough…  Let’s suppose the situation is reversed.  What if your best friend called you or ran over to your house to tell you the latest trash talk about her marriage.  What would you do?

Before you answer that question – let me ask you this: Do you consider yourself to be a mentor to someone else in your church, family or circle of friends (Titus 2:3-5)?  Do you feel a greater level of responsibility and accountability for your answers and advice?  Do you grasp for something to say, or do you prayerfully seek Godly wisdom and direction first?

Believe me – I’m preaching to myself here!

Though we can be an oasis at times for others, we must point them to Jesus, the eternal well of Living Water.  God’s Word quenches every thirst and satisfies truly parched souls.  It holds the key to a fulfilling marriage - even when only one of you follow it's principles.  

Back to the original dilemma – You or your friend are fuming because of something that happened at home.  Maybe you’re still angry or upset because it appears he just isn’t sensitive to your feelings.  Somehow you feel that you’ve been taken advantage of.  You're getting tired of arguing over the same old things.  Nothing ever changes – it’s always your fault somehow…

Married life is so much more rewarding when we cooperate with each other.  Remember, we’re on the same team! 

Enjoy these insightful quotes about cooperation:

Cooperation is spelled with two letters:  we.    -G.M. Verity

Coming together is a beginning; staying together is progress; working together is success.

  -Anonymous

Can two walk together, except they be agreed?   -Amos (Amos 3:3 KJV)

We may not always see eye to eye, but we should always walk hand in hand.   -Anonymous

Here are some basic Biblical points concerning our husbands –

1.      Men need to be loved and respected.  (Ephes. 5:33)

2.      Men need to be affirmed and appreciated.  (Ephes. 4:29)

3.      Men need to feel they are needed and have purpose. (Gen. 2:15-18)

That being said - there are times when we just don't feel like they deserve it...

This is an excerpt from my book 

Mission Possible – Chapter 4 – Painful Reality

Another area of battle is coping with the daily changes that occur within yourself, and how that interacts with your mate… Part of that is reflected in your relationship – as a wife, friend and lover.  There unfortunately are things that you begin to dislike about him.  We are to “love the sinner, but hate the sin.”

There were times I had to pray, “Lord, give me a desire for my husband… help me to love him with Your love, because I don’t like him very much right now.”  Remember, you have to “take every thought captive, unto the obedience of Christ” (II Corinthians 10:5).  Give it to God and then you will have peace.   Isaiah 3:26 says, “You will keep him [her] in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trust in You.”

Just remember that grace extended goes a long way to fostering harmony in the home. 

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”.  It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn't share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.  Visit

http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

Don't Trash Your Marriage...

John 3:16 Blog Hop - And the Winners Are...

  







The winners of the: 

John 3:16 Authors Network Blog Hop   

for the two Kindles  have been announced  

at   http://john316mn.blogspot.com

 and also listed below!

Let's thank the following John 3:16 Authors for sponsoring our 2 Free Kindles

 

Deborah McCarragher Joy Hannabass Rose McCauley Elaine Cooper

Amanda Stephen Tom Blubaugh Paulette Harper Theresa Franklin

Susan Craft Carol Brown Lynn Dove Martin Roth Saundra Dalton-Smith

Katherine Harms Heather Bixler Lorilyn Roberts Laura Davis

Bob Saffrin Sid Frost Sammie Chandler Donna Dawson

Congratulations to the Grand Prize winners (2 Kindles):

marniepohlmann@shaw.ca  Marnie Pohlmann

pattersday@gmail.com   Patricia Day

Thank you to all those who participated last week!  Also, if you signed up to win some prizes at the other participating blog sites, winners have been announced and if you were a winner, you will be notified by email within the next couple of days.  Names were selected using random.org.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am pleased to announce the winners of my blog giveaways -

Kim Cole   has won a signed paperback copy of Mission Possible  

and a $15 Starbuck's gift card  &

Anastasia Watson   has won a signed paperback copy of Mission Possible 

and a $15 Starbuck's gift card

Also             

Sandra Humphrey, Kim Hawkins, Crystal Balzer, Stephanie Nicel, Glenda Parker, Joanna, & Faith Hope Cherrytea  have all won an e-book copy of Mission Possible.  

I will correspond with all winners by email in order to mail out books 

and provide a code for e-book download.

I invite you to visit my  Website   &   find me on  Facebook  and  Twitter

Thanks so much for visiting my Blog -  I hope you'll come back and visit often!  

John 3:16 Blog Hop - And the Winners Are...