"Jesus, help me to not have a root of bitterness towards my husband. Help me to let go of unmet expectations, disappointments, and awful feelings right now."
I know you might have struggled with the same thing. We’re not unique. There are many women living in a spiritually
mismatched marriage that go to church - week in and week out alone. We pull into the parking lot and sometimes
just sit in the car – watching the other families heading into the building. Other times we make our way into the
sanctuary – scanning the crowd – looking for a place to settle in…alone.
You see – I have been attending church alone for quite
some time now. My husband has come on
occasions like Christmas, Easter, and Mother’s Day. He has attended some Sunday school socials
with me and had brunch or dinner with the other couples in my class – but he
isn’t really interested in church fellowship or the things of God. I keep telling myself that one day it will
all change. He will actually verbalize a
desire to go with me… I won’t even have
to ask him to come.
I’m well aware of the fact that we all have different
life experiences with regards to church attendance and our childhoods. My family was in the military. We moved frequently and we did not attend
church regularly. I wasn’t interested in
God until I was in my early 30’s with a small child of my own. However, my husband grew up going to a
religious school as a youngster, and attended church as part of his family’s
tradition. I personally don’t believe he
ever really connected his heart with his actions.
When we married, neither of us entered a house of worship
with any regularity or passion. It
wasn’t until a neighbor of mine invited me (with my young son) to attend church
with her that I finally had my eyes “opened” to the True and Living God. I was born again and a fire was lit within my
heart for Jesus. That was 23 years ago.
Living in an unequally-yoked marriage for that length of time gives you
greater perspective on what matters most in God’s eyes.
God’s Word tells us in Hebrews 12:14-15 to “Pursue peace
with all men, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking diligently lest anyone fall short of
the grace of God; lest any roof of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and
by this many become defiled”. Pursuing
peace involves action on our part. We
must submit our emotions and reactions to Him and not manifest outward
frustrations to our spouse. King David’s
wife Michal had a root of bitterness fed by jealousy (2 Samuel 20-22). We must “…cast down arguments and every high
thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought
into captivity to the obedience of Christ…”
(II Corinthians 10:5).
After spending time in our flower beds this past week – I
observed how some of the weeds had shallow roots and others were deeper. When I pulled at them – trying to dislodge
the weed - many times I simply broke off the plant, leaving roots just below
the surface. I merely removed what I saw
– but underneath the soil the plant still existed. It would burst up through the dirt again in
time. I really hadn’t taken care of the
problem.
Many times a root of bitterness can develop when we
simply try to remove what we perceive is the surface problem. However, deep below are the true causes of
those weeds: anger, resentment,
jealousy, pride, and many more. Roots
need to be eradicated swiftly and completely in order for the weed to disappear
for good. It often requires digging it
up with a sharp claw or tool that will loosen the dirt around the roots.
God’s Word acts as our tool to dislodge the weeds that
root in our soul. He lovingly loosens
our emotions and pulls out sin-filled thoughts by His Spirit, as He weeds our
garden and prepares us for heavenly fruit bearing.
When I am conflicted and overwhelmed with unkind thoughts
towards my husband, I ask the Father to visit my flower bed and inspect it for
weeds. I don’t want a root of bitterness
to ruin my Christian witness or affect my relationship at home.
I hate pulling weeds and I imagine God probably doesn’t really
enjoy doing it either…
Deborah is the author of a Christian
non-fiction book titled “Mission
Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their
spouse doesn’t share their passion. It will encourage and challenge the
reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.
Visit
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