Some of you might identify with my sentiments here. You might even agree with me in
principle. But more importantly – what
does God have to say regarding the matter?
Respect can be
defined as: the act of giving particular attention; to consider worthy of high
regard; the quality or state of being esteemed; to refrain from interfering
with.
I’m going to share a personal story here that occurred
during this past holiday season. God has
spoken to my heart about what took place.
I feel it could be a conversation starter as well as thought provoking
for those in a spiritually mismatched marriage.
This Post is PART 1 of 2 ~
My husband and I were enjoying our adult son’s two week visit
along with his 3 yr. old daughter. He had been on deployment for 9 months and was
on leave before heading back to his duty station. Things were going great and we loved watching
him interact with his toddler daughter after the long separation.
A couple of days after Christmas he went golfing with a
friend and promised to return in time for me to go to work half a day. I kept our granddaughter in the morning and we
agreed he would meet me in town after his golf outing. But things didn’t quite work out as we
planned.
Long story made short – 18 holes ended up taking much
longer than he anticipated, and to make things worse – he forgot to leave me
the car seat for our granddaughter.
Needless to say, I couldn’t go to work or transport his daughter
anywhere. As the day wore on, my
husband’s temper reflected it proportionately.
By the time evening rolled around our son was approaching
the last hole on the golf course and still had to drive back to his friend’s
house to get his car and the car seat.
By now my husband was fuming and our dinner plans to meet the rest of
the family were in jeopardy. The holiday
season was not so merry…
It shouldn’t have happened, but it did. I was making excuses for our son and trying to
be the peacemaker in our home. Family
members were waiting for us to join them in town and the plans had been changed
multiple times. My husband was livid
with our son for being irresponsible and for his lack of proper planning.
When our son finally returned home (over 4 hours late), I
was waiting with our granddaughter when my husband informed me he wasn’t going
with us. He got in his car to leave to
go get something to eat and at that very moment our son pulled into the
driveway - blocking him from leaving.
That did it.
 |
My husband started yelling from inside of his vehicle
while I was trying to put our granddaughter into our son’s car. Our son wasn’t aware that his dad was so
angry. Then I saw the look on his face
as he was caught in the crossfire of his dad and me fighting. Once we were on our way to meet the others,
he asked me why dad was in such a foul mood.
I had to gently but firmly explain to him what led up to the night’s messy
ending.
In our 30+ years of marriage we hadn’t traded barbs with
each other verbally like that in a long, long time. I shouldn’t have yelled back at him, but I
was so angry and he was so out of control over what I thought was an
insignificant thing. I realize now that
I made things worse by downplaying the whole event while telling him to, “just
go and leave us alone!”
I would like to take this opportunity to say that our son
is a great young man and a wonderful father. He is responsible and thoughtful. He simply made an error in judgment that day
that had ugly ramifications. He was out
of his element after being on deployment for 9 months, and he was here visiting
us instead of at home in his normal environment and routine.
Later that evening we were all “walking on egg shells” as
we skirted the issue in order to keep the conversation civil. By the next day – my husband and I briefly
discussed what had happened and I felt the Lord convict me of my bad behavior
the night before. My son apologized for
any inconvenience he caused us and I apologized for acting in an ungodly
fashion to my husband.
Now – let me say that I felt completely justified in what
I had said and done during that episode of “behaving badly”. Isn’t that exactly what we do when we know we
are not honoring God (or our spouse) while we are angry. Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry, and do not
sin”; do not let the sun go down on your wrath…”
The parent / child relationship really doesn’t change
that much as the years go by. I found
myself taking sides again with our son instead of my husband, something I had
repented for long ago (I thought). Okay – am I the only one who regrets putting preference for my child over my
spouse? Am I the first wife to show
disrespect by marginalizing my husband’s opinion for that of my own? Wow – why was I so selfish and controlling
with my words?
We will continue this discussion in Part 2. I want to share with you what the Lord spoke
to my heart in the weeks following this family occurrence, and how I hope to
make adjustments in my thinking and behavior in the future.
Come join me for a look at how God turned something hurtful into something hopeful... in PART 2
Come join me for a look at how God turned something hurtful into something hopeful... in PART 2
Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion. It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.
If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to
share it with others.
Great post, Deborah. Love you authenticity and honesty here. Looking forward to part two and reading what God spoke to your heart, my friend. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for stopping by Dineen. It was a painful exercise in writing this post - but a the same time it was freeing as well. You'll like Part 2...
ReplyDelete