Divorce - Has It Affected Your Family?

I have been walking through a desert of swirling sadness and dusty disappointment.  My soul has been parched and lifeless.  A blanket of heaviness hangs over me.  I’ve replayed hundreds of conversations, thoughts and pictures over and over in my mind. 

It’s okay to grieve.  I’ve given myself permission to “feel” the pain and sorrow.  I admit I’ve struggled with depression.  I’ve attended a funeral of sorts – another marriage has gone by the wayside.  Another couple has called it “quits”.  Another marital commitment has been laid aside, and vows once proudly proclaimed have been quietly dismissed.

I don’t mean to be so melodramatic – but I have to verbalize what I’ve been feeling these past few months.  It’s a type of therapy for me.  Everyone deals with pain in a different way.

There are too many of us...  We are the parents of adult children who have decided to divorce.  A new generation has broken all records with their half-hearted visits to marriage counseling and a quick trip to the divorce attorney.

 

Here are some startling statistics from http://divorcerate2011.com/divorce-statistics

• Almost 49 percent of the marriages end up in divorces
• First marriages end up in divorces in an average duration of just less than 8 years
• 60 percent of all divorces are related to individuals aged 25 to 39
• There were more than 21 million divorces in the year 2000. In the same year, 58 million couples were married and still lived separated
• The average male age for a second divorce was 40.4 years and the average female age was 37.3 years in 1990
• The divorce rate of first time marriages is almost 10 percent lesser than the divorce rate for second marriages
• Over a 40 year period, 67 percent of first marriages terminate in a divorce and 50 percent of these divorces take place within the first 7 years
• Every year more than 1 million children are affected by divorce  

Our son and former daughter-in-law are now a statistic. 
They have a daughter who is a toddler, and they are now living in different states.  Theirs is an all too familiar story regarding marital strife and miscommunication.  It always takes two to unravel a marriage.  There is plenty of blame to “go around”. 

I wrote a blog post last year titled:  Grass is greener or just an illusion?

 

It addresses the problems of discontentment and disillusionment in your marriage.  Many young couples simply have unrealistic expectations when they enter holy matrimony.

I am, however, writing this post as an encouragement!  
Someone else out there in the World Wide Web will read this post and cling to hope regarding their family situation.  My message to you is:  Hold onto your hope (Psalm 27:13-14) and watch what God can do in the midst of an impossible dilemma.  God is a God of Restoration, Regeneration, and Renewal.  Anything is possible with God…

I have chosen to not be judgmental and overreacting when it comes to the “how” of their divorce.  I have not taken “sides” and been vindictive.  I love both my son and his wife.  They are the parents of our first grandchild.  They are both emotionally and psychologically damaged by the trauma of their divorce.  No one is a winner… they are both on the losing end of it all.

One thing I am determined to do is be a lighthouse and safe-house for both of them during this transition period.  
They both need to be ministered to.  They both need to understand that God still loves them and has a plan for them individually.  They both must discover who God is and submit to His Lordship.  They both need to mature and set aside their differences and work together for the benefit of their daughter.

God has specifically given me a mandate to minister to my daughter-in-law.  She is a wonderful mother and needs support as she steps into a new and unfamiliar role – namely – that of a single parent.  God has lain on my heart to be kind and helpful and understanding and patient. He would have me “sow seed” into her life, let others water, and watch as God brings the increase (I Corinthians 3:5-9).   

Please pray for me as I reach the edge of the wilderness and behold meadow ahead.  I desperately need rest.  I need spiritual refreshment and strengthening that only the Holy Spirit can give me.  Pray that I will continue to walk in wisdom and discernment, letting God lead my steps and direct my path (Psalm 37:23). 

I know you have a story to share or a burden to bear.  There is life after divorce for our adult children.  Please leave me a comment and encourage someone else today with your words of wisdom or your life experiences.  

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”.  It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.  Visit

http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

Divorce - Has It Affected Your Family?