Thursday, July 26, 2012

Don't Trash Your Marriage...

Okay… so you’ve run into another roadblock in your relationship.  

You and your husband have been treating each other to a less than “civil” dialog lately and you’re looking for a place to broadcast it.  Not a good idea…

One of the best quotes I’ve ever heard regarding a hurting heart is from Joyce Meyer .  Her advice is to, “Run to the Throne instead of the phone.”  It’s a simple concept:  when you’ve been emotionally hurt and you want some sympathy from your best friend or neighbor, run to God instead.  He will listen without prejudice and love you without condemnation.  Most importantly, He will not just tell you what you want to hear. He will speak directly to your heart.

Why – do you say – would I not want to go visit my friend and pour my heart out to her?  Simple enough…  Let’s suppose the situation is reversed.  What if your best friend called you or ran over to your house to tell you the latest trash talk about her marriage.  What would you do?

Before you answer that question – let me ask you this: Do you consider yourself to be a mentor to someone else in your church, family or circle of friends (Titus 2:3-5)?  Do you feel a greater level of responsibility and accountability for your answers and advice?  Do you grasp for something to say, or do you prayerfully seek Godly wisdom and direction first?

Believe me – I’m preaching to myself here!

Though we can be an oasis at times for others, we must point them to Jesus, the eternal well of Living Water.  God’s Word quenches every thirst and satisfies truly parched souls.  It holds the key to a fulfilling marriage - even when only one of you follow it's principles.  

Back to the original dilemma – You or your friend are fuming because of something that happened at home.  Maybe you’re still angry or upset because it appears he just isn’t sensitive to your feelings.  Somehow you feel that you’ve been taken advantage of.  You're getting tired of arguing over the same old things.  Nothing ever changes – it’s always your fault somehow…

Married life is so much more rewarding when we cooperate with each other.  Remember, we’re on the same team! 

Enjoy these insightful quotes about cooperation:

Cooperation is spelled with two letters:  we.    -G.M. Verity

Coming together is a beginning; staying together is progress; working together is success.

Can two walk together, except they be agreed?   -Amos (Amos 3:3 KJV)

We may not always see eye to eye, but we should always walk hand in hand.   -Anonymous

Here are some basic Biblical points concerning our husbands –

1.      Men need to be loved and respected.  (Ephes. 5:33)
2.      Men need to be affirmed and appreciated.  (Ephes. 4:29)
3.      Men need to feel they are needed and have purpose. (Gen. 2:15-18)

That being said - there are times when we just don't feel like they deserve it...

This is an excerpt from my book 
Mission Possible – Chapter 4 – Painful Reality

Another area of battle is coping with the daily changes that occur within yourself, and how that interacts with your mate… Part of that is reflected in your relationship – as a wife, friend and lover.  There unfortunately are things that you begin to dislike about him.  We are to “love the sinner, but hate the sin.”

There were times I had to pray, “Lord, give me a desire for my husband… help me to love him with Your love, because I don’t like him very much right now.”  Remember, you have to “take every thought captive, unto the obedience of Christ” (II Corinthians 10:5).  Give it to God and then you will have peace.   Isaiah 3:26 says, “You will keep him [her] in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trust in You.”

Just remember that grace extended goes a long way to fostering harmony in the home. 

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”.  It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn't share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.  Visit



  1. I really enjoyed this article!

    Funny how we can already be struggling with hurt feelings in our marriage and then often make it worse by running our mouths off to the wrong people about our own spouse/marriage.

    The advice and wisdom you share here is much appreciated!

    God bless you,

    1. Thanks so much for the visit Brenda. Oh - I'm right there with you girlfriend! God has taken a 2x4 to me more than once about keeping my mouth SHUT if I don't have anything nice to say...

      I appreciate your encouragement :)



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