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Daughter of the King - born from above in 1989.

Deborah grew up in a military family and moved to Florida in the early 1970's.  She began her journey of creative writing soon after coming to know Jesus as her personal Savior. Her primary goal is to share her personal testimony with others while bringing hope and practical help through her writing.

Monday, January 28, 2013

R E S P E C T ... Who Needs It? Part 2

God does not stipulate that my husband must be a believer to be respected.

God expects me to reverence and honor my husband in my actions, words and thoughts, no matter the circumstance.  Ouch!

If you missed the previous post you can read it here:  PART 1

“Familiarity breeds contempt” is something you might say if you know someone very well or you experience something frequently.  That contempt might be shown in your attitude if you stop respecting them.

Our body language is one such thing that can speak volumes to our spouse about our lack of respect.

The Apostle Paul tells us in Ephesians 5:33, “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” 

Genesis 3:1-24 gives us the behind the scenes narrative of Adam and Eve's fall from grace. Back in the garden Eve exerted influence that was misused and it harmed her and Adam’s standing with each other and with God.  Her “desire” was to lead their relationship. She had exhibited a lack of respect by not submitting to his God-given authority in their marriage.  Now God was instructing her that Adam would take on that role and lead in their marriage.

Respect for your husband ignites the fire within his spirit man to enable him to love you in a God-ordained way. 

“Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ.”  Ephesians 5:22 [The MESSAGE]

I Peter 3:1-2 tells us that even when an unbelieving spouse does not obey God’s Word, they may be won over to God “by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chase conduct accompanied by fear” [respect]. 

Can you think of a time when you blatantly disrespected your spouse?  Did God lovingly "correct" you and have you genuinely repent?  How did your spouse respond?

The “love chapter” in I Corinthians 13:1-13 teaches us how God’s love shown through us to others can make an impact in all relationships we are in (e.g. husband and wife, parent and child, siblings).  As we mature in Christ, we must put away the childish things.  Many times those things are the perception that we have the right to be right, thinking we are justified in our words or actions, and feeling like we are the victim in our circumstances.

The Lord gently and methodically showed me my venerability in parenting.  I was showing preference within my family relationships that was unhealthy and potentially damaging to my marriage.  He allowed me to view my behavior as rude and provoking.  I had been “puffed up” in my thinking and was not showing love and understanding for my mate’s position in the matter. 

I had violated much of what Paul spoke of in the very verses I read during devotionals on countless occasions.  I Corinthians 13 can attest to what our love walk should look like.  I was not showing love when I yelled at my husband that evening.

This is the conclusion of the matter:  I was wrong in how I handled the whole dilemma.  

As my husband got more irritated during the day and into the evening, I should have affirmed his feelings and his lingering anger at our son’s irresponsibility.  However, I also should have communicated to him that we have all had days that just didn’t work out the way we thought they would.  Grace should have been extended to all parties, and I needed to keep my emotions in check without making a critical error in judgment.

I have confessed my behavior and manipulations to the Lord, and I have released my resentment towards my husband to Him as well.  I want to please God and show the respect my husband is due – no matter what the outcome is for me.  God has that covered.  I need to trust in His Sovereignty and let Him work out the details.

I was also reminded [by the Lord] that our son observed my outburst, and that can have an effect on his future relationships.  He knows I am a Christian in a spiritually mismatched marriage.  I am to model Christ's behavior and leave the results with Him.  I don’t need to insert my flawed thinking into the mix.  I need to trust and obey.  I need to relinquish my rights to my own feelings of being justified and God will convict my husband of his shortcomings.

There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that is not learning from experience.  ~Anonymous

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.



  1. Great conclusion, Deborah! So glad our God is so merciful and so redeeming. :-)

  2. Thank you Dineen. Ah - so many times I have thanked the Lord for His unending love and redemption. :)



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