Are You "Missing In Action" ?

There’s nothing worse than missing church and feeling guilty. Well, that is what the enemy wants me to focus on.

I have had an unusual situation arise since my husband had back surgery in mid-May.  We have two large dogs that require a morning walk.  Now that we have downsized to a condo, we no longer have a yard to let them out. We have to take them outside on leash and walk for a while. I have created my own monsters by walking them every morning – thus they expect it! (weather permitting)  However, my husband cannot physically take them on their walk alone until his back gets stronger.

So – the enemy has taken great delight in making me feel like a backslidden Christian for missing church for so long. You and I know that is baloney – but it does affect your thinking nonetheless.

My husband generally does not attend church with me.  During my hiatus from my local church I have fallen prey to the idea that I am a bad Christian – a slacker for staying home.  Of course, there have been many instances where I read my devotionals and listened to sermons online, did personal Bible study, or walked and talked to the Lord instead. 

My being a Christian has more to do with my mind, my heart and my relationship with my Savior than it does with church attendance.  

I have a personal relationship with Jesus - not religion.  I wrote a Blog post about this subject and you can read it here:   It's All About a Relationship With Jesus

Ministering to my husband and meeting his needs right now are more important to me (and certainly to the Lord) than my desire to be in church for my own pleasure and fulfillment. Don’t get me wrong, I worry about staying away from the fold too long.  I don’t want to be complacent about missing the fellowship, Sunday school time, and corporate worship.  My spiritual gifts are needed in my local church.

However, I know that there is a season for everything, and I will make my way back to the flock soon.  I have already signed up for a Ladies Bible Study group starting up in August when school is back in session.  I really miss my woman to woman time in God’s Word with God's people.

In the meantime, I am struggling to find my own balance between quiet time and husband time.  Since his retirement I have struggled to get into some type of daily routine with the Lord. 

But alas, flexibility is the key to harmony within a spiritually mismatched marriage.  There are many times I just have to go with the flow and plug into Jesus when I can do it.

Here is a brief excerpt from my book MISSION POSSIBLE:

Chapter 6 ~  In the Meantime - Serve

Balance is crucial when  it comes to home, church, and work.  Pray that God will prepare their hearts and give you that understanding and favor regarding “God assignments”.  Use  spiritual sensitivity  and  discernment  when it comes to volunteering yourself for everything that comes your way at church.  

God will affirm to you the “right things to do”, and conversely, He will squelch those things which are “wrong” for you at the time.  You must stay in touch with God on a daily basis through prayer, reading the Word, and the Spirit’s leading  in order to know His will for you and your household.   

There were many times I would talk to my husband, asking him if he would mind if I went to a conference, or took a class, or volunteered for a project.  I believe respect went a long way…  He knew if he really didn’t want me to do something (within reason),  that I would decline.  However,  if God made it clear to me that I “must” do something for Him,  I would risk the flow of harmony in the home and pursue it with gentle love and understanding.

Do you struggle with similar circumstances in your marriage? Do you find yourself reeling in guilt because you missed another church service? Will God understand again this time?

Oh yes… He understands.  He knows your heart’s cry and your deep desires.  He extends His mercy where pain and heaviness resides.  He is ready to infuse you with His Spirit and enfold you in His grace.

 

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

Are You "Missing In Action" ?

It's Sunday Morning Again... Can You Relate?

It’s Sunday morning again.  You get into your car and drive to church – again – alone.

I attend a couple’s class at our church.  I used to be in a women’s Bible study group years ago, but since I have been attending my current church, my husband has attended services on occasion with me. He is comfortable with our pastor and is familiar with some couples that we knew from another congregation.  I say all that to say this: Then why do I feel so out of place in church?

When our son was young, or when he was older still living at home, it seemed easier to go to church and not get distracted by couples sitting in the pews.  Now that we are empty-nesters – it seems that I have become increasingly more aware of the fact that we are not worshiping together.  We’re not even sitting in church together – much less worshiping together.  I struggle with wandering and sometimes inappropriate thoughts.

In II Corinthians 10:4-6 Paul tells us, “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.”

 To my husband’s credit – he does attend services with me on occasion.  He has joined me in attending a class social or couples dinner outing – albeit reluctantly.  He just doesn’t have a desire to fellowship with believers or be in a church setting.  I have stopped trying to play Spiritual Shrink or Holy Ghost Investigator when it comes to “why?”

Truth be known, it was somewhat easier for me in years past when I attended a women’s only Bible study because we supported each other in prayer, in fellowship and in mentoring.  It was more comfortable to be surrounded by other women who didn’t have spousal spiritual support.  Now I find myself feeling like a fish out of water, or you could say – out of “living water”.

I often feel like a salmon, swimming furiously upstream – trying to leap over the rapids of “happily married couples” and the rocks of “you can be happy too!” mentality in my quest to reach safety.  I know in my mind and heart that God loves me and I press into Him all the more when I feel discouraged.  But there are times during the church service when I struggle to keep my focus on the preacher’s message – and simply look around at all the “couples” in church.  Please, tell me I’m not alone…

Back to II Corinthians 10:  in a spiritual sense - I shake my head and gather my thoughts once again. I sit and re-evaluate what’s going on in my mind and feelings, and give it over to God. 

I take time to thank God for my salvation and thank Him for such a good man He gave to me 30 years ago for a husband – though I didn’t come to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior until 7 years into this marriage.  

 I regain my focus as I tune-in to my pastor’s sermon and re-adjust my thinking to align once again with what God’s Word tells me about my situation at home.

I recall to my mind I Peter 3:1-4, and how it is my “inner” woman that will attract my husband to Jesus Christ.  The years of seeking to know God better, attending church, working on my Bible studies, praying, helping others and living out my faith – that is what is drawing him closer to the Savior.  My Spirit woman will draw him nearer to the God who created him for fellowship. 

I consider what I Corinthians 7:13-14 has to say concerning the unbelieving spouse, and how they are sanctified by the believing spouse. If the unbeliever desires to stay in the marriage, the believer is obligated to dwell with them in love and devotion – as unto the Lord.

This verse in I Samuel speaks to me regarding the above scenario: “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice” (vs. 22).  The Lord spoke to my heart that my obedience to Him in loving and being devoted to my husband – regardless if he is a believer or not – is better than my “sacrifice” of living in an unequally-yoked marriage.  

 I do not have the right to play the victim and feel sorry for myself.  I do not have the right to hold it against him.  I must love him with the love of Christ and let God move in his heart and mind.  I must concentrate on my obedience to what God has for me to do as a godly wife and helpmeet.  I must keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and not on my circumstances or feelings.

(Here is an excerpt from  MISSION POSSIBLE  Chapter 6 - In the Meantime, Serve)

Beware, that while you are busy serving and waiting, often the enemy will delight in torturing you with thoughts of defeat. You’ll be sitting in church, watching the other couples and think, “Lord, what about them?” “They’ve got each other, Lord…” “When is it going to be my turn?”

 And the Lord would answer me, “What is that to you? You follow me.” The Apostle Peter questioned the Lord about John and Jesus told him, “If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you? You follow me” (John 21:21-22). We need to have an attitude of gratitude and not question God’s authority and sovereignty. We are human and we will have days when we’re discouraged and down, but we must encourage ourselves in the Lord as David did in Psalm 42:11, “Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.” If we never had anything else to praise God for except our salvation, we should be a most grateful people!

This past Sunday was no different than many previous Sundays, except for the fact that I caught myself doing exactly what I mentioned earlier in this article.  But this time I looked around and said to myself, “It sure will be great to sit here with my husband, Lord, and worship You together. So glad You’re working in his life and heart.” 

What a relief it is to give it all to HIM…

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”.  It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

http://www.Godmissionpossible.com

It's Sunday Morning Again... Can You Relate?

If You Follow Christ – What Will It Cost You?

Living in an unequally-yoked household is never easy.  

It’s Sunday morning again and you’re dreading what’s ahead.  Do you get yourself and your child ready for church and head out the door, knowing full well that you might have another confrontation when you return?  Maybe you don’t even get a reply when you ask if your spouse would like to accompany you to church.  Whatever the scenario at your house – it can be costly…

Read the following contemporary rendering of Matthew 10:34-39 from The Message –

“Don’t think I’ve come to make life cozy. I’ve come to cut – make a sharp knife-cut between son and father, daughter and mother, bride and mother-in-law – cut through these cozy domestic arrangements and free you for God.  Well-meaning family members can be your worst enemies.  If you prefer father or mother over me, you don’t deserve me.  If you prefer son or daughter over me, you don’t deserve me.  If you don’t go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don’t deserve me.  If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself.  But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.”

…and Luke 12:51-53 from The Message –

“Do you think I came to smooth things over and make everything nice?  Not so.  I’ve come to disrupt and confront!  From now on, when you find five in a house, it will be-

Three against two, and two against three;

            Father against son, and son against father;

Mother against daughter, and daughter against mother;

Mother-in-law against bride, and bride against mother-in-law.”

Wow! Could it be any clearer?  Is it just me, or doesn’t it sound like we might as well be prepared for some rough days ahead at home.  A spiritual battle rages as we step out in faith to live our lives for Christ.  There will be turmoil.  There will be indifference.  There will be distain for your love of the Lord.  Get used to it!

I’m not trying to be ugly here.  No, I’m trying to get your attention!  You must be spiritually prepared for the day to day challenges of living in a marriage where you don’t see eye to eye. You must stay “prayed up” and battle ready or your enemy will take advantage of your situation.  That enemy is none other than Satan – the one who is the father of lies, and he wants you to think that your marriage will never be any different than it is right now.  Lies!

One thing that got my attention was the word “cut”.  The New King James Bible version says, “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth, I did not come to bring peace but a sword.”  The significance of the verse is not in doing violence to those with whom you disagree, but a realization that you will be challenged by the power of the gospel to separate yourself unto Him.  There must be a severing of any relationship that gets between you and Jesus Christ.  The sword is the Word of God and it will be the arbitrator in any spiritual disagreement.  Scripture tells us that Jesus Himself was divisive and provoked many to rage.  The Word cuts to the core of our being – and it hurts!  It reveals the hidden things of the inner man.

Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”

The following paragraph is from my book Mission Possible  Chapter 1  You’ve Embraced Christ – Now What?  

"The spiritual skirmish had begun. Don’t underestimate the enemy. I did not fully understand spiritual warfare and would learn about that as time progressed.  I began to grow in my understanding of God’s Word and how Satan opposes a couple’s holy union.  I would learn about “putting on the whole armor of God” (Ephesians 6:10-19).  I would learn that “standing firm” was mandatory - - not an option.  My spiritual clothing was necessary for survival as “half of a saved couple”.  God desires for you to become “one flesh” – at the altar and in the spirit realm.  Satan can’t bear the thought of it.  This is where your perseverance plays a huge part."

So – what does following Christ cost you?  Probably not your life.  Most likely not your marriage.  But it will cost you something...  Jesus is worth whatever it is in light of eternity. You may have some spirited disagreements and tearful pleas.  There may be lonely periods in the days ahead as you embrace your spiritual destiny.  Jesus knows your struggles.  Grow in grace with Him and leave the results in His hands.   

One more thing...
I have heard sermons that reference Matthew 19:29-30, Mark 10:28-30, and Luke 18:28-30 as food for thought regarding your spouse and whether or not it would be an occasion for abandoning them for Jesus.  Paul addresses that issue in I Corinthians 7:12-16.   We know that Peter stayed married while following and serving Jesus. In his case, his wife was a believer according to several extra-Biblical sources.

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”.  It is written for women who lovethe Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

http://www.Godmissionpossible.com

 

If You Follow Christ – What Will It Cost You?

Fellowship - One Word Blog Tour

Fellowship conjures up visions of a latte at the corner Starbucks, or perhaps a potluck dinner at church.

The Greek word koinonia means “that which is in common.”

Fellowship often denotes membership in a local Christian church or in the Church [Body of Christ]. Acts 2:42 tells us that believers who were present at the Pentecost “continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.”

Fellowship also refers to a deep, abiding friendship between believers. God’s Word uses the term “agape” in the description of a love and fellowship which is deeper and more satisfying than any human relationship including social, parental, conjugal or any other form. This is ideally portrayed in the unique God-ordained friendship between David and Jonathan in I Samuel.

In his thank-you note to the Philippians, Paul exhorts them to have their confidence in Christ. Chapter 3, verse 10 says, “…that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.” He knew that identification with Christ was the key to pressing “toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” In this instance, Paul wanted to share the commonality with His Savior, in the sufferings that would produce righteousness in him. The fellowship he spoke of was an intimacy he longed for, that the church might also embrace.

John also spoke of fellowship in his epistle, which was most likely written to the Asian churches. In I John 1:3-4, John writes, “…that which we have seen and heard we declare to you, that you also may have fellowship with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ. And these things we write to you that your joy may be full.” John had personally seen Jesus converse with His Father, and heard the heartfelt prayers He uttered on behalf of His disciples and all believers. His desire was for the church to have that same intimate relationship with the Savior, and enjoy the full benefits of true sonship.

This hymn was written by a young man named John Fawcett, who was converted at age sixteen under the preaching of George Whitefield, and was ordained a minister at the age of twenty-five. He wrote this hymn for the small church he pastored in northern England.  It portrays a beautiful picture of the true heart of fellowship:

Blest Be the Tie That Binds

Blest be the tie that binds

Our hearts in Christian love:

The fellowship of kindred minds

Is like to that above

Before our Father’s throne

We pour our ardent prayers;

Our fears, our hopes, our aims are one,

Our comforts and our cares.

We share each others woes,

Our mutual burdens bear,

And often for each other flows

The sympathizing tear.

When we asunder part,

It gives us inward pain;

But we shall still be joined in heart,

And hope to meet again.

John Fawcett (1740-1817)

* This post is part of the One Word Blog Carnival at BridgetChumbley.com . Please visit her site to read the other blog posts on Fellowship *

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion. It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.

http://www.Godmissionpossible.com



Fellowship - One Word Blog Tour

Mom, you DO have the greatest influence on your children...

Statistically, women who attend church alone with their children are on the rise. 

Women’s Sunday school classes are flourishing. Why is this trend so prevalent across the spectrum of Christian denominations? Theories range from the lack of strong, spiritual leadership by the husband in the home, to absentee fathers, to women being more open to the spiritual things of God. No matter the reasons, women make up a larger percentage of regular attendance in most churches – oftentimes alone, with their children in tow.

Barna, a popular Christian research group had this to say, “Moms are more religiously active. In a typical week, mothers are more likely than are fathers to attend church, pray, read the Bible, participate in a small group, attend Sunday school, and volunteer some of their time to help a non-profit organization. Women in America have high levels of spiritual sensitivity and engagement.” 

As a new Christian, I was eager to go to church – and at first, it was just my young son and myself. My husband wasn’t interested in going with us. I had made a decision for Christ, and I intended to keep it! We attended most services and enjoyed the fellowship with other believers.  Just remember, your conversion is personal. It is a revelation given to you, and you alone. God draws us by His Spirit, and we follow Him into our relationship one by one. There are no family conversions, except each member responds individually to God’s invitation (Acts 16:31-34) Here is a post I wrote concerning true salvation  A Bona Fide Convert

In scripture, there are several examples of mothers who influenced their children by being Godly examples. One of my favorites is Hannah, the mother of Samuel, who became a great prophet to Israel. I Samuel 1-2 tell us that Samuel was an answer to prayer, and a gift of faith to his mother. Hannah had only a short time to shape his understanding of who God was. She had made a vow to the Lord to dedicate him to God’s service. She would wean him and leave him with Eli the priest to serve at the temple in Shiloh. Hannah, no doubt, spent much time with young Samuel, sharing her love of God and the nation’s historical narrative as any mom would – in story-telling. She most likely prayed with him and sang hymns. She most likely shared age-appropriate things with him regarding sacred religious feasts, festivals and rituals. Samuel grew up before the Lord and pleased Him in his service. Even at a young age Samuel heard God’s voice, which was rare in those days. God used him mightily, and according to God’s leadership and direction, he became the kingmaker, anointing both Saul and David.

Another great example of a mother’s influence is in II Timothy 1:5. Paul recalls Timothy’s upbringing by his mother Eunice, and his grandmother, Lois. The name Timothy means “honoring God,” and it was probably given to him by his mother. Timothy was born in the province of Galatia, the offspring of a mixed marriage between a Greek father and a Jewish mother (Acts 16:1). While growing up, Timothy was taught the Scriptures by his believing mother and grandmother. He certainly sang hymns, participated in Christian first century practices and traditions, and learned the power of prayer from his Godly role models. He was most likely led to Christ by Paul, later circumcised by him, and was Paul’s missionary companion for much of the rest of his ministry. Paul later considers Timothy to be his closest disciple, and often referred to him as his “son in the faith”.

While you are serving the Lord at church, be mindful of your spouse and home situation. Be discerning, not disruptive. Walk in love and wisdom. Approach your new found faith with enthusiasm, but give yourself permission to “stay at home” on occasion for a family outing or special time together. Be a Godly role model to your children, but don’t use your church attendance or them as a form of punishment against your spouse and their lack of interest.

Pray with your children for your spouse in a way that honors them and glorifies God. Lift them up to Him in a loving, meaningful way, that your children may see your devotion them, and your genuine concern for their salvation (all age-appropriate, of course). Provide spiritual nourishment to your children by memorizing simple scripture verses, reading bible stories, and talking about what God is doing in your life on a daily basis. Always be ready to use everyday situations as “teaching moments”.

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” There is no guarantee that your children will serve the Lord all their days, but there is no doubt that using your influence for Christ, at any age, will certainly sow seed for others to water, and for God to bring the increase…

My book "Mission Possible" addresses many difficulties in an unequally-yoked marriage.  You can preview my book here:  AMAZON

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It was written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. 

Visit  http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

If you have been encouraged by this post - please take time to share it with others.

Mom, you DO have the greatest influence on your children...