You might not do it verbally. You might not even mean to - but your actions say it loud and clear. You might as well tell them to get down on one knee and start begging...Forgiveness is one of those words we just look at and squirm a little. You might have a history of "hurts" in your marriage or in your family that just keeps getting in the way of real progress towards forgiveness. Things said and done during heated discussions. A forgotten birthday or anniversary. A bad business decision or a regret over financial mishaps in your marriage can produce an unforgiving spirit. How about betrayal or lying? What do you do with repeated anger, resentment, and yes - even hatred?
To better understand forgiveness, lets look at its root definition: to cease to feel resentment against an offender; to pardon. We have to understand it from God's perspective (Psalm 86:5). When God forgives, it's for good. It's complete. It's final. It's gone with no trace of having ever been there (Isaiah 43:25). No dredging up the past; no looking for leftovers, and nothing to retrieve from the hard drive. Zero - Zip!
Can you and I forgive that way? No - not in our own strength or by our own volition. We can only forgive as Christ does when He lives in our hearts and works in our lives. As believers, we have been freed from the bondage that unforgiving can cause. Because of Christ we can forgive. He exhibited the ultimate forgiveness when He hung on the cross for our sins. He purchased our right to be forgiven and modeled forgiveness (Luke 23:34).
In II Corinthians 2:6-8 the Apostle Paul instructed the Corinthians to forgive someone who has caused grief due to their sin against fellow believers. His point was to forgive him so that he would not be overcome with too much sorrow, and thus not be received again back into fellowship with God, and ultimately once again within the church. In marriage, to forgive is to restore hope, and that is essential in moving past the hurt.
You give up the right to your own hurt and disappointment when you forgive someone. You give yourself permission to move on - to release them and the offense. Healing can take place in a relationship when you both move from bitterness to forgiveness.
Love and trust can be restored where forgiveness is cherished and pardon is practiced.
So, how do you keep on forgiving when you're faced with attending a repeat performance year after year? Can't you just get past it already? Why do we keep holding on to the same bad memories and heartaches, as though they provide some sort of sadistic satisfaction or revenge?
Jesus told his disciples in Matthew 18:21-22 to not even consider how many times to forgive, but to have a genuine heartfelt spirit of forgiveness towards others without preconceived parameters. In other words, keep on forgiving as your heavenly Father extends His mercy towards you.
Please don't misunderstand me -
I don't condone spousal abuse or mental cruelty, but oftentimes we do
have to extend grace far beyond what we would like to.
Forgiveness is one of those things that takes on a life of itself; when we walk in the Spirit - we have a supernatural ability from God to practice it in reality.
I personally like to try to live each day as a brand new opportunity, to put behind me the things that I have already forgiven, and move forward with a clean slate. I refuse to let Satan wreck havoc in my marriage where it isn't even warranted. I have enough to deal with without opening the door to more misunderstandings and misconceptions in our relationship.
In closing - I'll share these nuggets:
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. The Apostle Paul (Ephesians 4:32)
He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass. ~ George Herbert
"I can forgive, but I cannot forget," is only another way of sayings, "I will not forgive."
~ Anonymous
A Christian will find it cheaper to pardon than to resent. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits. ~ Hannah More
Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury. ~ E.H. Chapin
Deborah is the
author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love the Lord
Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion. It will encourage and challenge the reader to
embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together. Visit
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Deborah, you touched my heart. My first husband was extremely abusive. It took ten years with various counselors to overcome the anger, the fear, the panic attacks and the nightmares. My last counselor was a Christian. She took me through the last step - forgiveness. In order to heal I had to forgive my ex-husband. Through scripture and meditation, she guided me through the full gamet of emotions. At the end she asked if I could see Jesus on the Cross, had He come down and was He holding me? No. He did something far greater. I saw Jesus on the cross. Behind Him stood my ex-husband. As I watched, Jesus transposed His face over my ex-husband's. In that instant I forgave, completely. The anger was gone. The panic attacks and nightmares stopped.
ReplyDeleteThis experience changed my life. Forgiveness isn't just for those who have hurt us. Forgiveness heals us as well, and God in His infinite wisdom, knows that. I am re-married. This marriage is far different from the first. We both know how precious our love is. We ask for and give forgiveness quickly. Thank you for the reminder of how important this directive is to a complete and balanced life.
Cecilia - Thank you for sharing with us your heartfelt thoughts about how this post ministered to you. What a powerful word picture of forgiveness, and how Jesus substituted Himself for your ex-husband. Our God is awesome indeed!
DeleteYou are correct - forgiveness is for us! We can't be all we were created to be unless we learn to emulate our Lord's forgiveness to others. God bless you for bearing your heart with us. Thank God your new husband shares your love of Jesus.