In the Eye of the Beholder

Okay, so we know that men (and our husbands in particular) are visual creatures…

In her book,  For Women Only – Shaunti Feldhahn tells her readers that she believes God created man “with two strong tendencies to be visually driven”.  One is that a woman with a great body is an eye magnet, and the other is that each man has a mental rolodex of stored images that can intrude into his thought life at random.

Shaunti goes on to say, “…You love your husband as a man, and this characteristic is part of what makes him a man. Even if your husband is the finest man in all the earth, and even if you were a gorgeous model, your husband would still have this vulnerability…”  “Remember the garden in Genesis 2:23?  Adam was excited to see Eve. He was visually attracted to his new mate.”

Proverbs 27:20 says, “The eyes of man are never satisfied” (KJV).

Men have an obligation to their wives to “forsake all others” according to the vows they take during their marital ceremony.  Looking is not adultery.  However, looking can lead to sin, as evidenced by King David in II Samuel 11:1-5.  God has wired men to be stimulated by sight.  Only He knows why He did it. However, Job makes an important statement about his personal integrity with regards to other women: “I have made a covenant with my eyes; why then should I look upon a young woman?” (Job 31:1).

I personally believe it is important to look attractive for your spouse, as well as for your own self-esteem. Going to the gym or exercising at home, eating right, getting plenty of sleep, grooming and dressing appropriately for your age are all needful to maintain a healthy and happy relationship. 

My husband might gaze at another woman for a moment, and admire her shape, but he’s out in public with me.  It’s important to him that he is out with a woman that is attractive and happy with herself and her appearance.  Let me give you an example:

A few years ago my sister-in-law was living with us for a brief period while she was separated from her husband.  She is the eldest of four siblings.  My husband is the youngest.  I was working late one evening and we agreed that I would meet the two of them for dinner near our home.  My sister-in-law didn’t make a real effort that night to look as presentable as she could have.  When they arrived at the restaurant, the manager asked him if he and his wife would like a booth or a table.  Well, that really bugged him and I heard all about it.  He was used to going out in public with me.  I generally look nice and neat, with hair and makeup done.  He said, “From now on you come home first so we can ride together and be seated together!” 

He was simply embarrassed by the whole ordeal and felt uncomfortable with a woman who wasn’t dressed well.   He valued the initiative I took to look presentable for him.  It made him feel proud to have me by his side. 

I imagine Adam was elated to have Eve by his side, as she was attractive and made him feel complete.

I say all that to say this:  I may not be a “head turner” or look like I used to 35 years ago, but I do try to take good care of myself and work with what I have!  I make sure that when I go out with my husband, I make him proud to be out in public with me.  Men have pride in their mates and it’s in their nature to show off their wife – even if it’s subconsciously. 

However, our self-image should not be solely in our appearance.  God’s Word tells us in I Peter 3:3-4 “Do not let your beauty be that outward adorning of arranging the hair, of wearing gold, or of putting on fine apparel; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”

We know in Genesis 12:11-20 that Abram referred to his wife Sarai as “a woman of beautiful countenance”.  It was not only her physical beauty that made her attractive, but her quiet and gentle spirit.  She drew the attention of others – including Pharaoh himself on more than one occasion – which caused Abram severe anxiety.  But more likely she exhibited those qualities coveted by women who are more interested in pleasing the heart of God, than in pleasing the eyes of men.

Colossians 3:12-14 exhort us to “…put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering, forgiveness and above all – put on love, which is the bond of perfection.”  Paul admonishes us to “put on” these qualities which exhibit the very nature of God by deliberate effort. That is what is truly attractive to our spouses and the world around us.

What do we do with our desire to look good for our man and our devotion to the Lord?  

We can honor both with our actions and decisions.  We can model God’s attributes while we care for our temples.  We can strive to preserve our physical bodies as we vow to nurture our spiritual ones.

Don’t be caught up in the latest fashion trend, spray tan, or age-defying beauty treatments.  Keep your eyes on your Creator.  He will preserve you and give you a healthy glow.

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”  (Proverbs 31:30)

Deborah is the author of a Christian non-fiction book titled “Mission Possible”.  It is written for women who love the Lord Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion.  It will encourage and challenge the reader to embrace God’s promises for their spouse and future together.  Visit

http://www.spirituallyunevenmarriage.com

In the Eye of the Beholder